03-01-01 Introduction, anamnesis
From the earliest childhood, minute by minute, day by day, you have been taught to think of your wishes as of something “indecent”, “not good”, “disgraceful”, “interfering”, “wrong”. A lot of words have been created and integrated to substitute the word “wish”. They have bright negative colourings: “whim”, “megrim”, “fancy”, “self-will”. To “realize” a wish is substituted with “gratify”, “who gives a shit about people around”, and “to want something” with “to have problems”, “to get your head messed up”. A person, who does not want to suppress his wishes and tries to realize them, is labeled as an “egoist”, “egocentric”. If you are captivated with something, you will be called “stubborn”, “weird”, “eccentric”, or even can be labeled as a “maniac”. It can be said as a joke, but you should be aware that this plaque of a joke is an easy way to express a real attitude, and in the given case this is an extremely negative attitude, as the word “maniac” by some “strange coincidence” is used to define exceptionally dangerous criminals, murderers and rapists. Concepts are moulded and drummed into the heads to consolidate disdainful and even aggressive attitude to the individual’s wishes. As a result the person that has his wishes, is interpreted by surrounding people and even by himself, as an individual “with issues” or “messed up in the head”. It is believed that if a person is “all right”, then this person has no bright wishes. Widely spread, but incredibly perverted in European community Buddhist ideas finalize this picture, where “nirvana” is a state of the best and highest happiness, which is characterized with complete dying of wishes. Hence people think mistakenly that the most blissful state is having no wishes, being in total dullness, platitude and inert consumption of impressions. Neglecting happy wishes and their suppression has a slaughtering impact, produces the highest wave of NEs, NB, dullness and deprives of the chance to experience the EPs.
Depending on the community’s tendencies, some types of strong wishes are accepted as “beneficial”, and in this case people with the wishes of the kind have the “respect”, support and approval. But as soon as the fashion changes, or people reveal other wishes also, they find themselves in the category of eccentrics and maniacs. Hence those with the wishes of the accepted category in a community have to suppress all other wishes and mechanically spur up the “right” wishes. This quickly becomes a compulsory and spiritless action.
If you are used to suppress your happy wishes, experience them secretly and it is accompanied with the feeling of shame, guilt and fear, quite often it transforms into either a latent or obvious aggression or hatred. You are deprived of enjoying the process of experiencing and realization of your wishes, while experiencing and realization of the mechanical, “right” wishes does not make you happy and you become addicted and aimed at the possessing of the result. When the experiencing and realization are not enjoyed and there is only a wish of having the result, only new and new NEs fall to you, like anxiety regarding the result, fear of not receiving the result, or that somebody else will get the result and so on. In view of all this the attitude towards the wishes becomes distressful, and the stronger the wish, the worse the NEs are, that accompany the process of experiencing and realization.
03-01-02 Definitions, abbreviations
It is impossible to give a definition to a wish, as the definition will convert it into something already known, but you cannot convert it into anything – neither to emotions, nor thoughts, nor senses. There are people who do not care how or what they experience, NEs and concepts distress and dull them so much, that they cannot differentiate between wishes and thoughts. An attentive person will easily see that there are wishes and there are thoughts that escort wishes, and these are essentially different layers of perceptions. A feeling of hunger can be escorted with a wish to eat, a feeling of sexual excitement – with a wish to have sex. A thought “he betrayed me” will be escorted with an emotion of hatred, a wish to hit, a sense of heat felt in the head and of cold in the limbs, and the minimal skill of observation of your perceptions is required to keep differentiating these perceptions. But while you eradicate NEs, mechanical wishes and concepts and cultivate happy wishes, rational clarity and other EPs, your differentiating capability will develop.
How do I know that I wish something? That I want cheese or I want to go for a walk? If I ask this question, it means I know that there are these two wishes, but how do I know it? I know about it because at a given moment there is a sense of cheese taste and a sense of the visual image, of the forest’s scent, of resilient soil under my feet and there is a desire to intensify these perceptions and make them distinct. It seems impossible – how can it be – a taste of cheese when there is no cheese in my mouth? But nobody is surprised that I can imagine a tree without seeing it, but what is it “to imagine”? This is a visual perception of a tree, it is quite blurry, unstable, but it is nothing else but exactly the visual perception. If I am visualizing the tree for a long time, then the image will become more distinct, more detailed and stable, and the wish to intensify this image will get stronger. The same with cheese, there emerges a very weak and vague taste of cheese, then a wish to intensify this taste, and then I start my inner dialogue regarding how I can receive this desirable taste of cheese. Thus I know that I want something, because I already have a perception of this something in this spot, but in a weak and nebulous form. If I want to buy a colourful pretty skirt to feel satisfaction from the boys’ stares, it means there ALREADY IS both the enjoyment from possessing the skirt and the erotic excitement from boys’ glances, and the tactual sensation of the skirt on thighs, and the visual perception of its colour and texture. Thus we can make an amazing conclusion: when I want something, it is something that I already have, but only I want it in a more distinct, stable and intensified form! This conclusion is also agreeable with the fact, that our wishes are always object- orientated. In other words a “wish” is always a “wish to intensify the perceptions we have already”. There is one more amazing conclusion. Even though we have a capability to differentiate perceptions, in a similar situation we cannot differentiate between (a) a wish and (b) the realization of the wish, as they are simultaneous. Does it mean that there is a way to intensify the wish of cheese in such a way, that you can feel the taste as strong as if it was on your tongue? Is it possible that if you want to feel you are well fed, then you will have this feeling of being full and all physiological processes will take place as if you really received all nutritious necessities? These questions will stay unanswered until you experience EPs continuously and they will open their mysteries for you. For the moment let’s be aware of one thing: when you have a wish it is already partially realized.
Joyless or mechanical wishes (mws) I call such wishes that:
а) are reasoned with concepts including different imperative or moral word-parasites, like “must go there”, “should do it this way”, “would be good to do this”, “this is unfair not to do it”, “I am expected to do it” and so on. You do not have a happy wish to do it, but because there is an obtrusive idea “must” and “fair”, you go and do it regardless of feeling distressed and reluctant. You support your thoughts “good that I have done it, this is right, it should be” and try to compensate intoxication from NEs with satisfaction.
b) are reasoned with NEs – rage, fear, boredom and so on.
c) are reasoned with a mechanical pattern, like when you come home from work you always turn the TV on and even if you are not interested in the news, you watch the program feeling tired and dull, etc.
d) are reasoned with other mw, e.g. the wish of hyper-compensation of what you have been deprived of. If at a young age you did not have enough sex because of shyness, fears or moral taboos, then from the age of 20 to 25 your wish to bonk will be so feverish, that while you are liberating yourself from those taboos, you will jump on everything that is moving, not even asking yourself whether you have a happy wish to do it now. If you stop and try to listen to your wishes, there will appear a strong dissatisfaction and thoughts that you limit “yourself”.
The common quality of mws is cheerlessness, feverishness, chaos. When you experience and realize them, you do not experience EPs – affection, sense of beauty, delight, aspiration and others. On the contrary, NB intensifies, there appear NEs flashes, and the chaotic inner dialogue develops. Quotation from Gurdzhiev: “a person is an arena of a fight and a competition of the most different desires, and all of them call themselves “I”, as they think of themselves as of the masters, and none of them will accept the other. Every one of them, while having power, makes whatever it likes regardless of the fact that somebody else will have to pay for the consequences. There is no order between them. The one that managed to surface is the master. It whips the others to the right and to the left and is not afraid of anybody. But the next moment the other will catch the whip and beat the previous one. This is how it is going on through a person’s life. Imagine a country where anybody can become a king for five minutes and do with this kingdom whatever he likes. But this is what our life is”.
In order to have a full picture of your own mws and to have clarity of what you are going to work with, I recommend to make a complete list of them and to add to the list while you discover new mws.
Vice-grip of mechanical wishes – is an effect of unavoidable suffering that is experienced during and after the mws realization: during the realization of the mw (rmw) the person suffers (in other words suppresses happy wishes and experiences NEs), expecting to achieve a certain happiness in the future. If the mw is not realized and the expected happiness did not take place, intensive NEs appear as self-pity and NEs, regarding the wasted time and so on. If the mw is realized, then expected “happiness” proves not to be happiness at all, and the person experiences the same, sometimes even worse NEs, new reasons to suppress the happy wishes and as an outcome there are new sufferings. The one who realizes the happy wishes, on the contrary experiences EPs both during the process of the realization and after regardless if it’s realized or not.
A characteristic sign of a “heavy session of mws realization” is a growing spasmodic condition that can be described as “life passing by”. There appears a to be a background rush to wherever and a concern that time is slipping away.
One of the types of mws is a wish to suppress wishes (wsw). The difference between the suppression and the eradication I have already explained in the chapter dedicated to NEs – in the case of suppression the mw does not disappear and NB eventuates. In the case of eradication, the mw completely disappears and EPs or serenity eventuate. Thus a wsw is always defined as a mw as it is a form of a wish to experience NEs and is mostly reasoned by the NEs and concepts. Different forms of so-called “ascetism” are related to the wsw, when a person suppresses her wishes (both hws and mws) guided by either the concepts of “enlightenment”, health and so on, or belief in authorities, or a wish to produce an impression on other people. It is escorted with heaps of NEs, satisfaction from her “victory” which intensifies mws of the realization of the suppressed wish. Thus the foundation of a deep psychological crisis is formed, that is a bright, continuous and destructing splash of NEs and consequent actions.
Happy wishes (hws) agree with the following criteria:
а) experiencing in itself, as well as the process of their realization (regardless of the final result) is escorted with joy, prelibation, anticipation and other EPs.
b) non-accomplishment of a hw (as well as the thought that it may happen) will not cause the NEs.
It is necessary to be aware that if you do not practice the riddance of distresses then practically all your wishes are mechanical, and even if you happen to have a hw, it is instantly substituted with a mw. If you started practicing, then clean streams of hws will emerge in a stale swamp, though they will mix with the mws, this is why the process of alteration will start as well, the process of substitution of hws and mws. You will have to be persistent, determined, attentive and committed to make as frequent and thorough as possible differentiation between the mws and hws, getting rid of the first and intensifying the second.
For example, you started mopping the floor, because it was resonating with the riddance from the NEs at that moment, there was also a hp of physical activity and you were realizing it. But in five minutes this hw disappeared and another hw emerged, and a conceptual thought followed: “if you started, you have to finish”. This is the mw “have to finish”, and your hw fades away, EPs disappear.
Another typical example is a delay of a hw realization (hwr) “for later”. There is a hw to go for a walk right now, but then the thought appears “I still have not done my homework, I will do it and then go”. As a result the hw disappears and dullness, NEs fall upon you. When the homework is done, you already do not want to go for a walk, but instead of holding on and listening to your hws you still go for a walk, because there is a thought “but I wanted to go”, and the outcome is the realization of a mechanical wish (mwr).
Quotation from Fox: “You put your hws into cold storage, because you want to approach them fundamentally, to be well and truly ready. This is how it happens with me from my childhood, pleasure was resulting not from the process, but my fantasies relating to “what will happen when…”, and I loved talking about it and dreaming. From my young age I took nourishment in these unrealized fantasies. This brought some anticipation, but it was unstable, weak and brief. There was a regular need to be nourished with new fantasies, besides I never even began the realization of my hws, and it caused feeling of guilt that I did not meet the expectations, both mine and of other people. Because hws were suppressed, new ones did not appear and the anticipation did not intensify”.
If the action was sourced by a hw, and the outcome can be phrased with the words including a prefix “over-”, like “overate”, “over bonked”, then it proves that the hw unnoticeably flowed into a mw. You are eating and you enjoy it, but your attention was chaotically distracted, and here it is – you “overate”, you did not notice how your hw changed into a mw. To prevent it you always have to ask yourself: “what do I want right now?”
Let us talk separately about “anticipation of hw revealing”. It is like a sweet sudden advance, as if a bowstring is strained fiercely and sturdily. A distressed person is painfully emotional both having the wishes and lacking the wishes, this is the quality of the mws – they are escorted with the NEs in any case. All is vice versa with the hws: when you do not have them and you are in the process of perfect eradication of NEs, you enjoy anticipation, and when a hw is revealed, you revel in experiencing and in realizing it.
“Selection of the wishes” is a process consisting of three stages:
а) perceiving your wishes at a given moment,
b) recognizing them as hws and mws,
c) getting rid of the mws and cultivating the hws.
If you have a clear enough differentiation of your wishes, then identifying them as hws or mws is close to automatic, but if this clarity is weak and unstable, then you can have problems with shifting from (a) to (b). Due to thorough perceiving you can recognize a “linking wish”, which is the wish to identify your wishes as hws or mws. It enables you to generate this identification more effectively and establish the pattern of shifting from (a) to (b) without breaking this process into further details. It is the same as per shifting from (b) to (c).
The practice of recurring change of interpretations (and accompanying change of the character and intensity of the wishes) is an instrument of the wishes selection.
“Express analysis” of the wishes is a complex of actions that enables you to gain clarity if the wish you are experiencing at the moment is a hw or a mw. Resonating with EPs can be used as a criterion, but it is not easy, especially if the intensity of a wish is not high and there is a weak negative background or a weak enlightened background or “nothing-is-happening”.
Generalized “skeleton” of the mechanical wishes is the certainty (in other words strict awareness of the differentiating conscience): “if I realize this wish, I will become happier”. It is such an accepted statement, that its groundlessness is never taken into consideration, as all people think that’s true when they realize their wishes. Meanwhile observations of yourself and others easily prove that “being happy” means “experiencing happiness”, it is not a complex of some benefits and goodness, these are the experiences, which will be unavoidably achieved when the benefits are gained. However simple experiments demonstrate that the possession of a desirable subject, status or attention brings a brief flash of satisfaction, but not happiness. Ownership [of something] does not lead to experiencing [state of “happiness].
This is why if you record in your mind this thought “I will become happier if I do this” [which escorts corresponding certainty], it means there is a mechanical wish as a part of your complex of wishes. Simultaneously there may be revealed both hws and mws (of a weak intensity) aimed at one and the same goal, and the stronger one of them, the weaker the other is. Monitoring such thoughts and certainty will enable you to select your wishes instantly and it brings other hws and EPs due to resonating between the perceptions differentiation and EPs.
It is worthwhile to distinguish (a) a wish and (b) a wish to realize this wish (wrw), because it can be a happy wish, but a wish to realize it can be a mechanical wish, and if there is no differentiating of this kind, it is impossible to make a selection. This differentiation enables the process of experiencing a hw to be free from the “supplements” in the form of concerns and fears escorted by the thoughts if it is possible or impossible to realize your wish, whether you want or do not want to do it, what is going to happen after the realization of the wish and so on. As a result the hws will start revealing easier.
This differentiating results in the following:
а) hws are revealed more distinctly, intensively, smoothly.
b) hws become available for observing and investigating,
c) capability to enjoy the hws grows,
d) resonance with other EPs intensifies, ,
e) an evolution of a hw becomes possible, because you put on hold the automatism of a wish realization. Other perceptions get involved in the process of the wish evolution.
For example if a sexual desire is automatically followed by its realization , then it is not experienced as a whole and it is not clear if you feel all the undertones, it is not as deep and intensive. But when the mechanism of instant realization is on hold, there takes place an evolution of the desire and of all senses and perceptions related to it. I call it in other words “development of the sexuality”, where a wider and bigger range of wishes and new senses are available, the body becomes more sensual, new parts of it become “erogenous zones”, profoundness and variety of the senses develop, unexpected echoes of already known EPs and new EPs appear.
There is one more consequence of the automatic realization of a wish: when you are aware of a wish, you already “know” what is going to happen, i.e. you program the development of the situation, and thus you deprive yourself of anticipation, make it all known in advance. The hw does not receive the support in the form of resonating with EPs, it leads to its disappearance or substitution with a corresponding mw. When you differentiate between a wish and a wish of its realization, you find a “gap” in between them and have a chance to insert a wedge in the spokes of the wheel of this mechanism and hold it.
She-ma: “The term “hunt for hws” – is an enlightened background (1-4) + hw (5+) to search for new and new hws, is resonating with the words “excitedly”, “impossible to stop”. There are no chaotic distractions, and seriousness and delight appear immediately following the thought “I want to search for hws”.
It is not so easy to learn to differentiate between the wish and a wish to realize the wish, because the automatic pattern of their mix was being created for decades. As a training exercise you can learn to pause at least for a few seconds between the wish and its realization. Let us call it the practice of a delay in realization. When you are aware of a wish, hold on and feel what exactly you want, what exactly you anticipate. Sometimes the process of experiencing the wish is more attractive than its realization. The characteristic quality of the mechanical wish of a wish realization is in the fact that a delay immediately causes a whole cluster of NEs. Meanwhile a delay in a hw realization does not bring any NEs, more than that, it does not reduce the enjoyment from experiencing anticipation, and even intensifies it.
It is good to learn [for the selection of wishes] to distinguish a wish to experience a wish (wew). It can be a hw or a mw. For example, if you experienced a few orgasms one after another, then you will feel rejection caused just by the thought of sex, you will even feel worse. Nevertheless, if you see a handsome boy passing by, you still follow him with a glance and may even mechanically want to want him to supersede the boredom and the NB that appears after the orgasm due to your long established pattern. Mechanical wew (mwew) in a similar situation is manifested in rejection, sometimes even the feeling of disgust and other NEs. Meanwhile if there was no mwew, you would just notice that “there is no wish”.
It is also good to learn differentiating between a wish to increase or decrease a wish. Cultivating of the first plays essential role in cultivating hws, the second is often used for conducting experiments, when there is no clarity relating to a certain wish and you either increase or decrease it and observe what other perceptions are resonating with it. Any of these two can be either mechanical or joyful. For example, if instead of being aware that “there is a happy wish to increase a certain hw”, you just follow the concept “I have to generate and increase a hw”, then wew and wiw will be mechanical and joyless and of course they will result in NEs and tiredness and nothing else.
Techniques of increasing the hw: 1) Cultivate the wish to increase a wish, which means you return your attention to the fact that you do want very much to increase a wish. 2) Cultivating of a strong and happy anticipation, as it resonates the hw. Remember the situations, when you experienced a radiant anticipation and describe it in detail. To generate the anticipation you can remember these situations, but with time you will learn to immediately “jump into” the anticipation. 3) Imagine the desirable change and say your wish out loud (“swol”).
Obstacles to increase the hws:
1) Mechanical wishes are interrelated with a huge number of NEs, like disappointment, irritation, desperation and so on, and everybody knows that the stronger the wishes, the worse the accompanying NEs are. But because people are not aware that this is the quality of only the mws, and not of the hws, they suppress all the wishes, their wants are only half, or one tenth, or even one hundredth of the intensity. This brings impotence, incapability to wish, apathy, dullness, platitude, depression, loss of joy of living. Strong hws automatically cause the fear of impending NEs and the automatism of the hws suppression, this is why it is necessary:
а) to get rid of this fear;
b) to increase the wish to experience hws and anticipation;
c) to be aware that experiencing the hws is already an enjoyment on its own, regardless of the result;
d) to perfectly eradicate the NEs that escort the thoughts of possible failure to realize the hw.
2) The skeptic thought: “any wishes never bring anything good, life was dull and it will be dull”. It is necessary:
а) to generate the rational clarity that the previous experience of going through and realization of mws is not related to the experiencing realization of hws.
b) to recognize such thoughts as mental poison and get rid of them with a directed effort to distract your attention from them.
Rapidity and stability of the perceptions change is proportional to the intensity and the duration of the hw. This simple law is not an easy one to find out, because quite often people recognize mistakenly “the thought of a wish” as “the wish” itself. If somebody says “I want to change this habit”, it mostly means that he only thinks that he wants to change, but he does not experience the wish itself, or he experiences it, but weakly and rarely. This is a widely spread confusion. A wish can also be mistakenly thought of as “a wish to experience the wish”. If I want to have a strong wish to change myself, but the wish to change itself is either absent or very weak, it is not enough to cause changes, especially if the original wish is a mechanical one.
It is worthwhile to single out the obvious mws (“omws”) in the complex of mws, that is when their qualities of being mechanical, distressful, undesirable, painful are explicit for you. Self-pity, feeling of loss and the thoughts of “oppression of yourself” do not accompany the riddance from omws. It is much easier to get rid of them, than to eradicate non-obvious mws (“nmws”). As in the situation with riddance from NEs, the main difficulty consists not in the eradication itself of NEs, but in the intensity and the distinctness of the wish to do it.
Written recording of hws experiencing and realization will give you a chance to critically investigate your actions and reveal typical ways of self-cheating, even though it happens to be post-factum. For example, if a child is crying, you may have a wish to go and comfort him, and you qualify this wish as a hw. But the consequent analysis of this experience can bring a question: “isn’t it a strange co-incidence, that the feeling for the child and this allegedly happy wish revealed particularly when the child was crying, and the process of comforting included such NEs as intolerance, irritation or pity”. This will give reasons for an assumption that there was some self-cheating, and will enable you to be more attentive in the investigations of your perceptions in similar situations.
Let us introduce the term “perfect behaviour”. These are actions that result from following the hws and that are accompanied with anticipation all the way through. Any moral judgment of these actions is impossible, because by the definition these actions are resulting neither from the wish to follow the rules, concepts or customs, nor from the wish to break those rules, but they are the result of the hws and thus there is no “because” or “in order to” in the motivation of such actions. Perfect behaviour takes place when “I do it because I follow my hw and it is resonating with other EPs”. Only conceptual interpretation is subject to judgment, and please be aware that this is how the surrounding people will act, no matter what you say about the “enlightenment” of your motivations, they will judge you according to their concepts, written or unwritten laws. It is stupid if you do not take it into consideration and force out any assumptions relating to their possible actions that can bring undesirable consequences.
I will give a name “the practice of escorting” to the realization of a wish aimed at investigation of the process of experiencing and realization, and the consequences of realization as well. This practice is more applicable for nmws, because there is a wish to understand it, to subdivide it into constituents and identify which of them are mechanical and which are joyful. Sometimes there is a wish to escort the omws also to assure the clarity relating to mechanicality. This practice of escorting brings what can be called “obtaining experience”:
а) rational clarity as per what kind of perceptions result from certain behaviour;
b) clarity as per what kind of perceptions are desirable and what perceptions are not welcome;
c) making an effort to get rid of the unwelcome perceptions and cultivate those that are desirable.
Depending on the degree of clarity and efficiency of the effort we can speak of significant and non-significant experience.
Mechanical realization of mws and nmws does not bring experience and as a proof of this fact there can be any old man sitting on a bench at the entrance of any apartment block. This man lived for many years, happened to be in many situations, experienced many emotions and wishes, communicated with lots of people, but did not gain freedom from distresses, did not obtain rational clarity, capability to experience and follow hws, to avoid unwelcome perceptions and experience desirable ones. More than that, every year he was deeper and deeper getting bogged in NEs and dullness, the range of his perceptions being incredibly primitive and unvaried. People start ageing rapidly not from 40, not from 50, but from 20 to 25 years old. By the age of 30 they are already like real pensioners, that do not have any hws, but even become aggressive towards the idea of hws cultivating, freedom from NEs and concepts. All they are looking for is hibernation in satisfaction, drugs, monotonous impressions and NEs.
“Accomplishment” – is a process of a multiple realization of an omw and nmw up to a maximum degree of supersaturating with parallel recording of perceptions, including hws. As a result:
а) a decrease of intensity of a given omw or nmw takes place;
b) selection simplifies; упрощается селекция;
c) there is a chance to observe the pattern of a mechanical component in spite of the super satisfaction; this will help to learn to select the mechanical component of the wish in different circumstances;
d) adequacy with a wish is getting decreased, i.e.
*) the thoughts like “this is my wish”, “this is part of me”, “it’s a pity to lose it” become less obtrusive, and their falseness gets more recognizable;
*) awareness of a mw as an alien mechanism that takes place, thoughts like “this is just a mechanism, unwelcome pattern” appear, and they are accompanied with the rational clarity, EP-clarity and other EPs;
*) a happy wish to get rid of a given mw appears;
*) a happy wish to intensify the hw appears + a hw to decrease and eradicate the mw;
e) automatism of the mechanical components of “a ball of wishes” (such a complex of wishes that I cannot clearly differentiate the wishes it consists of and identify their type) weakens before the selection process, in other words before acquiring clarity regarding the structure and the type of the wishes.
Here I will introduce the term «half a disintegration of a mw” which is a decrease (in average) of the intensity of a mw:
а) as a result of a joint impact of the selection of wishes and the practice of accomplishment, the last being a determining factor, because when the mw is strong and the hw of its eradication is weak, then correspondingly, the effort of eradication cannot be strong as well;
b) up to a degree when the hw to eradicate this mw becomes stable and definite.
Hw of realization of the direct riddance of a mw is the most efficient technique to stop experiencing the mw. The practice of accomplishment will never stop mws, in any case a tail of a fading process will be indefinitely long, due to an innumerable variety of the objects for the mws – billions of pretty girls, toys and things…, and the mws can be automatically triggered by anything new. If mws are changed too seldom, it causes NEs and dullness. If they are changed too often, it causes tiredness. Too frequent realization of mws makes you tired. Too rare realization intensifies convulsiveness of mws and increases NEs attacks – this is a bottomless pit and it is impossible to fill it. If impressions brought the feeling of life fullness and profoundness… but rmws gives only a brief flash of PEs and pleasure that nearly instantly becomes tasteless, rubbery and intoxication drags on like a long tail of intensifying dullness and NEs attacks. Anticipation you have when you think that mws can be simply eradicated, becomes the supremacy that overpowers domination of the mws. The hw of direct riddance of a mw intensifies and becomes more joyful and definite. Clarity takes place that mws are poisonous as NEs, they intoxicated and tormented, but I was afraid to remain without them as it seemed to me that I was losing a significant part of myself which filled my life, no matter what the quality of life, I still had some life. While you eradicate the NEs, this “I still had some life” suits you less and less, the experience of a new life and the aspiration for the new life in EPs appear. Direct riddance of mws, like direct riddance of NEs, immediately leads to the splash of EPs.
Practice of “limited riddance of mws” is efficient together with the practice of accomplishment of nmws. During the process of nmws realization, from time to time I stop the process and eradicate the nmws completely for a short period, and after that I return to realization again. This practice is a variety of recurring perceptions and it leads to a better clarity in wishes and improves identifying them as happy or mechanical wishes.
Practice of riddance from inner dialogue (ID) by sectors. For example, the higher the number of mws in sexual desires, the more chaotic and obtrusive are the thoughts about sex. To make the differentiation between hws and mws more efficient, it is good to eradicate all thoughts of sex during a certain period of time (an hour, a day). In this case mws will decrease (because the number of thought-triggers will rapidly drop) and hws will reveal more distinctly. Following riddance of mws (using any technique) will lead to a rapid decrease of the given sector of the chaotic ID.
03-01-03 Wish of impressions (= wish of PEs)
There exists a stable word combination “a wish of impressions”. Let us analyze its usage:
*) “Impressions” can be received from anything – music, books, sex, stroll, conversation, tasty food, events, news and so on.
*) The list of what people want to obtain the impressions from, contains not only attractive and pleasant phenomena, but also unpleasant and unattractive. People crave for impressions from death, sufferings, disasters, dullness of other people, pity and other NEs. E.g. people specially go to see a movie that, as certainly known in advance, will trigger strong NEs from hatred to SP, and for them these are also “impressions”, and the stronger the NEs, the stronger the impressions are. If the movie is not interesting, boredom appears, but people do not call boredom as an “impression”.
*) The wish of impressions is an addiction. It is easily proved, if you stop receiving impressions, you will feel the same that drug addicts feel during the “withdrawals”. When somebody is deprived of impressions, then dullness, boredom, hopelessness, panic, desperation and horror instantly capture this person.
When speaking about impressions people actually speak about positive emotions (PEs), like joy of possession, malevolence, self-satisfaction, complacency and others. Why can NEs bring “impressions”? Exactly because strong NEs bring strong PEs, and vice versa. You have bought an expensive car and it brought heaps of PEs, like you imagine that the neighbor will envy you, that girls will pay more attention to you, strangers will respect you more, etc. Simultaneously NEs appear – fear of loss, displeasure that life did not become happier, frustration that the car was scratched and so on. Why do people crave so much for the scenes of disasters and death? This is very unusual to them and generates lots of PEs: “hey, listen, I have seen today SUCH…. brains were all over the road… wow…” ANY person who is staring at dead bodies, at the same time savours in his imagination how he will be talking about it and everybody’s attention will be captivated by his story. Besides, an overwhelming majority of people are dying of boredom and dullness, and for them any strong emotions, even strong NEs, are more attractive than the horror of being bored on their own, when nothing is happening. It is also possible to use NEs to receive PEs, e.g. if you have depression, you can savour telling your friends your story and enjoy their compassion, attention and advice thus comforting your FSI.
Hence PEs and NEs are the two sides of one coin, both being the “distresses”, i.e. perceptions that are incompatible with PEs and that make you dull and dead. NEs kill rapidly, PEs do it slower, but still they kill. The problem is that people mistakenly accept flashes of EPs as PEs, this is why affection, sense of beauty, dearness and others are considered to be PEs. Imagine that you call “food” both boletes and toadstools. The result will be poisoning. The same in the case of EPs and PEs, the result will be poisoning. In order to avoid this fatal mixture it is necessary to understand which perceptions intoxicate and which make you stronger, lead to joy, affection, enjoyment, aspiration. Differentiate and select.
Consequently I find that the wish of PEs is a mw, and this contradicts the accepted opinion in our community about PEs: the wish of PEs is a “lawful” way of spending time. It means that the search for “impressions” in the community is not condemned, more than that, it is encouraged, cultivated and considered to be progressive, creative and interesting way of living. There are many [false] concepts supporting and approving of this search for “impressions”, but if you have a frequent experience of intensive EPs, you will easily notice that the wish of “impressions” obstructs EPs as definitely as any other distress does.
Those people that find the life meaning in “impressions” and try “to get satisfied” with them, become addicted, they look for new impressions bigger and better and thus assure they make these circles of PEs – NEs. They invent new ways to intensify and vary their emotions, they are driven by horror (at the thought that the impressions can finish) and attacks of boredom and dullness that catch up with them when the impressions slow down. It is not surprising that drug addiction becomes a logical closure that accelerates both sides of the process – receiving bright impressions and destruction and death. I think that this cultural-logical rationale is the source of the drug addiction that recently develops so hopelessly and rapidly, and this is the fact that the passion for the impressions is considered to be a virtue and an outlet from boredom. People do not understand that boredom, dullness and hopeless lifelessness prove they drained their own way of interpreting this world, their own poor concepts and emotions, but not the surrounding world. The result is either a quick death from drugs or a slow death, and you can see the final stage of this slow death at the bench near the entrance to the apartment block – dementia, hatred, dullness, ugliness, diseases – complete decomposition, in one word.
In the process of a search and consumption of impressions a person has an absolutely different experience from the experience of the person aspiring for EPs. The one who is searching for PEs, experiences PEs and NEs. The one who is searching for EPs, experiences them already in the process of the search.
03-01-04 10 rules of happy wish realization
The first 10 rules of the technology for the happy wishes realization (hwsr):
The first problem that the practitioner encounters, when she wants hwsr, is having no clarity what she really and happily wishes. For decades her hws were suppressed by different concepts of “musts”, “duties”, “decencies” and other phantoms, hence there is nothing surprising that the hws ceased or nearly ceased emerging. The first step in the practice of hwsr is to learn experiencing the hws, to pay attention to them, not to suppress them and to record them in writing, this will draw attention to them. You can subdivide your hws as related to different spheres, like sex, travelling, communicating, studying and so on. Make a general list of the hws you have experienced and look at them often, assess their intensity. Make a list of the hws you have experienced today, and so on. Now:
Rule 1: record your hws in writing, group them into different lists, evaluate their intensity from a scale from 1 to 10.
One of the blunders at this given stage is ignoring hws due to them being “minor”. For example if you have a wish to go through a puddle, not to avoid it like all decent ladies, you may feel uneasy to do it and your shyness will be escorted with the thought: “that’s ok, in any case this is such a small wish, nothing will change if I do not realize it”. You want to approach a tree and touch it, but you yield to your laziness and excuse yourself, because it is a “minor” wish. With this approach be sure – you carry on digging your own grave. NOT EVEN ONE, EVEN THE MOST INSIGNIFICANT HAPPY WISH CAN BE SUPPRESSED [without consequences that make EPs impossible and trigger NEs] – this is the rule leading to the path of EPs if you follow this rule. You are in such a dire state, that any, even the weakest hw is of the highest value and a chance to escape distresses. Besides your evaluation of a hw as “minor” is absolutely conceptual, you are used to consider something as “important”, or something “insignificant”. There is a scratch on your car and it is “important”, but your wish to touch a tree is “insignificant”. But if you find EPs at the apex of the angle, everything changes, and the realization of even the most “insignificant” hw, from the conceptual point of view, can lead to an unusually strong splash of EPs.
One more typical mistake is the delay for “later on”. For example you are mopping the floor and suddenly right at this moment you want to go for a walk, but you think: “well, I’ll finish mopping the floor and go, I cannot leave it like this…” You will immediately discover that the hw will fade without a trace, or as minimum, will become very weak. There is no “later on”, a hw exists only now, later there will be only a thought “I wanted” with a NE, this is why the delay “for later on” is self-cheating and a suppression of a hw.
Do not confuse this situation with another when there is a hw with an escorting idea “I want to do it but not now, when…” – such hws also may take place.
Rule 2: get rid of the concept of “insignificance”, “nugacity”, “unimportance” of a hw. The criterion of a hw significance is its intensity and resonance with other EPs. Do not delay a hw “for later on”.
When you start experiencing a wish to have hws, and especially when you record and realize them, they will reveal more and more frequently and they do not care about your concepts. You may think that ladies have to walk on a paved path wearing shoes with high heels, but there is a hw to run barefooted on black and soggy ground. What will you do? If you walk barefooted on the ground, you will come out of the role of a lady, get many NEs and face the necessity to eradicate them. If you do not go barefooted, you will kill a hw, and as a result the NB will intensify, cause a flash of NEs, but these NEs will be deeper and more loathsome. Thus fear emerges “what if I want something horrible, what shall I do?” I suggest that you follow the policy: realize those wishes that you are not afraid to realize, as for those that scare you, or even the thought of their realization scares you, and there will be such wishes, record them in writing and leave it there. Let there be a recording in your list witnessing that once you wanted to do this. You will return to your list, look through it and make comments relating to having or not having this or that hw and its intensity. At least start doing what you can do now, do not stop your practice just because you cannot do everything at once.
Rule 3: record in writing absolutely all your hws and realize those that you can realize.
A usual behaviour of a person is 100% reasoned by his concepts, patterns, fears and other NEs, mechanical wishes, community stereotypes, whether they are family, city, national or religious stereotypes and others. People never think about anything, they just juggle the concepts until one mechanical wish overpowers another. When you start following your hws, you immediately come out from the shelter of rules. Hence the fear what if something horrible and unwelcome happens? You want one thing, but fears dictate another, concepts impose something else, your mother says something different, and what is to be done?
You always have lots of different information from various sources. Bring it together into one list. Analyze authenticity of this information, competence of the sources and so on – do it as best and as sincerely as you can. Evaluate the risks, make your assumptions of what can happen and the outcome. Avoid imagining and replacing, make your mind an unbiased and a cool instrument and listen to its point of view.
Rule 4: write out and compare the information you have that concerns your wish, all the arguments “for” and “against” this or that action. No imagining and replacing.
What’s to be done now? Now there is only one thing – jump into cold water. You have done all you could, recorded your hw, compared all the information, estimated the possible risks. Thinking endlessly about it, doubting all the time and being undetermined will sure kill your hw and all the rest of the EPs together with it. Nobody will ever give you any guarantees. Even though ordinary people, being 100% mechanisms, comply with what is accepted, what is “decent” and “appropriate”, even they do have mishaps, something unwelcome can take place and they suffer permanently. This is why the choice is very simple: either it is a risk of an undesirable outcome + suppression of a hw and other EPs, or it is a risk of an unwelcome outcome + realization of a hw and intensifying of EPs. I choose the second option. Hence rule 5:
Rule 5: now freeze and generate any EP (it can be any, affection for your rabbit, if you please) and ask yourself: “what do I want now, after all I have learnt and thought over, what do I really and happily want?”
Rule 6: now, do what you want, against your pattern of doubts and fears. Overpower them and realize your hw, concentrate on your prelibation and anticipation of a new life, where your guides are not the dead concepts, but your happy wishes. Concentrate on the process of realization, as this is a cardinally different action, and the space around you and within you becomes as if resilient and saturated.
If your hw implies a whole series of intermediate actions, you can stop at any moment and once again ask yourself: “now, when I made a few steps towards realization of my wish and I already achieved some results – what do I want now? Do I like what is going on? Is my hw the same as it has been or did it decrease or increase? Did it change its direction? Or did it just fade?” You can do the same in the process of receiving new essential information or in a situation, when you suddenly became clear that you thought it was a hw, but it turned out to be a mw.
Rule 7: do not push forward like a rusty bulldozer. It is always possible to stop and ask yourself “what is my hw now, when I made a few steps forward”. Hws often change in the process of their realization.
In the process of a hw realization ask yourself as often as you like whether you are experiencing exactly what you want to experience. I draw your attention: not “whether I receive what I wanted”, not “whether I experience what I wanted”, but exactly “whether I am experiencing now what I want to experience at this moment”. If the answer is no, cease and return to rule 7. If the answer is yes, move forward. This is a wonderful quality of the practice of following your hws, it is not receiving what you wanted initially, not always it happens. This amazing quality is that the more frequently, consecutively and actively you realize your hws, the more often you experience attractive perceptions at a given moment. Resonating image: as if a hw is such a miraculous force that incomprehensibly leads you by a fabulous and narrow path of events, this leading being so confident that it is impossible to go wrong. Not in some distant perspective and far future, but exactly now, at every moment of your advancement along this path of events you experience especially intensive profoundness of life, saturated EPs, and sometimes you find real discoveries, new EPs and new clarity on this path. Thus I suggest that the meaning of the notion “result” is completely changed, when we speak about realization of happy wishes: the result of the hwsr is the quality of your experiences in the process of this realization. The more exactly you select your hw from the complex of the wishes you have now, the more radiant the result will be. Skills are acquired when you practice – keep practicing.
Rule 8: ask yourself as often as you like whether you experience what you want to experience now.
Recording of the process of the hwsr is a joyful and interesting process on its own. I recommend that you attentively “sense” everything what happens to you, what escorts this process, record the most usual and the most unusual events (not only from the eventual point of view, but also in the meaning of unusual perceptions). To avoid slowing down the process of the hwsr you can make only brief notes on your pad that will help later on to reconstruct all the consequence of events and emotions. I also recommend that sometimes you make a full description of the experiment on hwsr, especially when it is either the most successful or unsuccessful. In the second case you can find your mistakes, in the first case you can again re-live those attractive perceptions and learn to sense that special “taste” of life when you experience and realize your hws.
Rule 9: “sense and listen” to everything that is happening to you, so that later on you can describe the whole story in detail.
When the process of hwr is completed, hold on regardless of the outcome and be aware that right now nobody makes any obstructions for you to eradicate NEs and generate EPs, i.e. you have ideal conditions to keep practicing. If you have a lot of NEs, you can immediately start their eradication and aspire to EPs, if you are experiencing EPs now, you can submerge in them, and what else do you need for a successful practice? Do it always, when you realized your hw and managed to receive interesting perceptions, or when you turned coward and took the wrong turning, surrendered to the NEs, concepts or mistakenly accepted a mw as a hw and so on. Such an action has an exceptional significance as it gives you a chance to learn to be aware that regardless of the outcome of your action, you are in a situation ideal for practicing. It also permits you to get rid of being concerned about the outcome sourced by the conception of the “future” and concentrate on the “here-and-now”.
Rule 10: Regardless of the outcome be aware you have ideal conditions for practicing.
If you start practicing hwsr, you will notice for sure that their intensity, joyfulness and resonance with other EPs grow. There are pathetic philosophers-pseudo-Buddhists that will twist the face and say something meaningful, like: “well, this is all nonsense, it only makes your attachment to dharmas, karmas and crap-armas stronger, look at me, I am aspiring to the complete liberation, because the nature of Buddha… microcosmic orbits… the essence of the doctrine… but all that is not worthy, it only intensifies conditionality…” You look into their eyes when they speak about it, and you will see a great difference between yourself and them – pleased or displeased, meaningful or dull, important or aggressive. There is an indefinite number of those, who get impressions from such discussions, and not many of those, who stop juggling the words with unclear meaning and start acting, making definite steps towards the states they like.
While you realize your hws, they grow in number, but these are HAPPY wishes and they resonate with other EPs, this is why the number of EPs is growing as well. An effect of “hws competition” happens, you feel like you are being pulled to bits, there is not enough time round the clock, and discoveries of new EPs follow each other. NEs do not escort this competition of hws, as it happens in the situations when there are too many mws and it is not possible to realize them all. Hws competition is accompanied with delight, anticipation and splashes of blissfulness and so on.
In the beginning the competition of hws can bring “a messy confusion of hws”, they replace each other so often that they lack stability and as an outcome you will not obtain the result you want. This awareness brings a new hw which is to achieve a stability of hws. The stronger this confusion of hws and the less results, the sooner the hw intensifies. As a result the hws change, they become stable enough to achieve the desirable outcome.
Some people say: “holy moly, everything is narrowed down to only wishes, only wishes and nothing else”. Nothing is being done without a wish. Any action is a process of the realization of a wish, and it is only your choice whether it is going to be a mechanical or a happy wish; whether it is bringing exhaustion and NEs or EPs and a new coil in your journey.
If the action resonates with EPs during the whole process, it is a “perfect” action. Typical distresses that can happen in the process of an action:
а) concerns relating to the result
b) concerns relating to the opinion of other people
c) negative interpretation of occurring obstacles
d) NA related to the obstacles (which can be both surmountable and unsurpassable)
e) uncertainty, hesitations relating to the decision
f) haste, convulsiveness
g) dullness, in other words incapability to think over an effective way to act due to concepts or NEs.
Result is a desirable substitution of perceptions. If I want to eradicate a NE, then the successful act of eradication is a result. If earlier a NE appeared again immediately upon its eradication, and now it happens 5 seconds later – it is a result. If the wish to get rid of a NE happened to be not as strong as a wish to experience it, then I analyzed the failure, make conclusions – this is also a result, because earlier there was no analysis with consequent conclusions and actions – welcome perceptions, as they are a source of the practice of NEs riddance.
If one day you eradicated the NEs successfully, and the next day you did not manage to do it, then can we call the result as per what was achieved on the previous day? Of course, because the eradication was completed and nothing can change it, and your behaviour is unavoidably changed as well, maybe not so much, but there is a change. It’s another matter that results differ, this is why we search for such results that would lead us to the more desirable states directly.
What differs a practitioner from a dreamer is the aspiration to achieve exact results and a sincere practitioner will not put up with untruthful and allegedly meaningful phrases like “it is not recommended that we discuss the results in our school”, “make haste slowly”, “in general things improved” and so on.
03-01-05 More definitions
Of all the spectrum of various hws let us single out those that have the following qualities:
1) its intensity is more than 5 – 6;
2) in comparison with other hws, it has an exceptionally long duration and high stability against the impact from other perceptions;
3) it is always accompanied with anticipation and expectation and (at least from time to time) other EPs as well;
4) from time to time it is accompanied with physical senses (PhS), e.g. a feeling of “cracking” in the region of the belly-button, a sense of “boiling” in the back, a sharp enjoyment in the throat, a pressure in the centre of the forehead and so on.
5) strong resonating with “furiousness”.
Such a wish will be defined as “a cyclone” (by association with an image of a cyclone – a certain potential is formed due to a definite complex of perceptions, like an area of excessive “tension of EPs” that can eventuate in heavy rain of discoveries and flashes of awareness).
From Hedgehoggie’s description: “suddenly a whirlwind emerged”, i.e. very quickly there appeared a very bright perception, usually EPs are not that fast. Immediately this wish was revealed as a cyclone. I think I have never experienced anything similar. The word cyclone resonated intensively – a crazy happy wish that can explode any moment with something incredible. There was no Hedgehog, instead there was a heavy cyclonic cloud, something containing a huge force”.
The term “awareness” designates such a thought that:
1) rapidly intensifies rational clarity in the given area of perceptions
2) resonates with EP-clarity
3) resonates with other EPs
Cyclones play a huge role in the journey of conscience. They define the direction of your journey and thus form your individual differences from other practitioners.
Cyclones are so intense that along with EPs they are also accompanied with efficient manifestations of the first guard – the fear of a loss (see chapter “Effective practices”). Cyclones that are complicated with the first guard, will be designated as “1g-cyclone”.
(The ordinal “first” is designated with a digit before the word, like1-guard, 1-hunter, while intensity is designated with a digit after the word, like 1-guard-3, 1-hunter-6)
A wish to discover new EPs (1-hunter) is not complicated with the 1-guard, providing the following conditions are observed:
1. there is a big enough experience of discovering new EPs;
2. small discoveries take place often, and the chain of these “minor” discoveries unavoidably draws nearer significant discoveries, like new technologies, new EPs, new qualities of already known EPs, new skills of longer and more intensive experiencing of EPs, achieving clarity in different areas of the whole picture of the practice.
Experiencing of an avalanche-type discovery of EPs and complete and lasting submerging in EPs of a very high intensity strike the 1-guard powerfully and abruptly.
A frequent variety of mws is a wish of possessing EPs. This wish has an interesting peculiarity which often is recognized as a wish to experience EPs, meanwhile this is a typical kind of mws. The consequences of such confusion are quite destructive, EPs can disappear completely and this spurs up the wish of possession, thus pushing away the possibility of experiencing EPs even further, and in the end the practitioner remains with a broken basin and has neither EPs, nor clarity so what’s to be done next. As a result this practitioner either can give up and join the philosophers, esoteric followers and other slackers that are juggling the words day by day and nearing the death in the NEs, or starts revising the whole practice, reflecting upon and challenging motivation.
I call “the wish of possessing EPs” a complex of such promiscuous wishes that are not directed at the process of experiencing the EPs and of other resonating phenomena, but aimed at using this process to achieve certain goals. These can be both simple and the weirdest goals. Simple wishes are the wishes to brag about, to attract attention from other people, to acquire the status of a “snout”, and so on. An example of a weird wish is to support self-admiration and self-satisfaction that you are such a fiercely bright, selfless and detached practitioner, etc. The more the practitioner is suffering from the mania of self-admiration, the harder it is going to be for her to accomplish a revolution of sincerity, to unmask herself, to insulate the distressed component of her motivation and cease this subtle game which is aimed at satisfying the thirst of EPs from impressing people. Such games with self-admiration can reach an amazing degree of intricacy, but there is just one simple criterion of efficiency for an antidote to be applied, and this is your EPs pureness, profoundness and intensity.
Typical manifestation of the wish of possessing EPs is the shifting the accent from experiencing the EPs to the beautification and extensiveness of the written records of EPs or stories about EPs, like you can feel self-satisfied thanks to the long columns of digits, from the exuberance of the notes, which bring the outcome in the form of absence of EPs and you can go on with self-cheating recognizing PEs as EPs.
I will mention the following antidotes:
1) Investigation of the situations triggering your self-satisfaction, self-admiration from the point of view of their compatibility with EPs.
2) Practice of recurring perception of self-admiration.
3) Achievement of experience of direct riddance from self-satisfaction and satisfaction when there is clarity [that these perceptions are distresses, i.e. incompatible with EPs] of such intensity and stability that it allows you to get rid of all “splatters” from NEs, escorting the process of PEs eradication.
4) Regular efforts of achieving sincerity on this issue, i.e. making a precise differentiation between the wishes of experiencing EPs and possessing EPs.
5) Regular efforts of achieving sincerity in any other spheres of your life.
When the competition of hws arises, some wishes remain unrealized during certain period, some never because there is just no time for them. If in this case you are at the edge of EPs intensity being overfilled with discoveries, then there is nothing to think about as stronger wishes overpower the weak ones. But such an ideal situation cannot last for a long time, first of all, there is no well established pattern to experience only hws, and secondly, guards are coming on the scene (see chapter “effective practices”). It leads to breakdowns and rapid decrease of EPs intensity for certain periods. A question arises while you are in the state when the fullness of your life does not reach 10, – is this true that the strongest and happiest wishes are being realized? Because if you are not in the peak of intensity and fullness with EPs, it means that “distresses” (i.e. perceptions incompatible with EPs) are revealing, and they can highlight the wishes that are not the happiest at all and their realization will decrease efficiency, effectiveness and happiness of practicing. The most effective technique of hws selection and picking the happiest one – is “remembering about death”:
а) rational clarity relating to the fact that you can die at any moment. To increase this clarity read and watch the news, showing disasters and dead bodies. Like people were travelling by train and it suddenly derailed and crashed into a building – 200 people died. Everybody in that train died regardless of being right, decent, misbehaving, law-abiding, criminals, children – death did not make any choices. People die always, not only during the wars, but in the “safest” places as well – just watch the news broadcasts. This morning you can die, and there is no power in the world to protect you.
(Of course, a perfect riddance from the NEs is required as they can arise due to this rational clarity).
b) specific EP is a perception of “commitment”, declining attachments and unusual soberness. This is a very strong and happy perception. In it there is a cold-hearted emotionless desperation, to be more exact, it is not even desperation (as this word is strictly associated with NE-desperation), but a cold strike of clarity, a cold thundering soberness. There is also a delight of an impending journey into death, something that resonates the words “to call”, “ to surrender”, “to give way” in the meaning to leave everything, all attachments and all goals as nothing means when you face death which can eventuate right this moment – this is a state of complete openness and freshness of freedom.
Competition of hws develops differently when facing the remembrance of death. The more powerful the remembrance of death, the more intensive, resonating with EPs, acute and essential wishes remain, only those you would realize when you know that in 5 minutes you will die. Mws have always been aimed at the result, this is why they lose any significance if there is an obvious absence of a result and when you think that nothing and nobody in this world can guarantee you will not die in 5 minutes, mws decrease. Contrariwise, every moment of experiencing and realization of hws has a dominant value , this is why remembrance of death does not decrease hws and is one more filter for sifting mws and hws and selecting the hws.
The following are two very simple techniques for “monitoring of noninvolvement ” in hws, i.e. prevent arising of the mechanical components, make “express-analysis” relating to the clarification of wishes:
1) imagine that you did not manage to realize your hws and the result is nil. If it triggers NEs, it means the mechanical components have entwined into the complex of hws. Then you can: (a) get rid of NEs; (b) select and eradicate the mw; (c) achieve absence of NEs when you think that the hw might not be realized.
2) Both hws and mws behave differently while being analyzed, i.e. when you ask yourself “do I want it”, “am I sure that this is what I want indeed”, “maybe I will do it differently”, “what if this is a mechanical wish”, “if the situation changes this or that way – will my wish change” and so on. The analysis of mws will be unavoidably escorted with convulsive doubts, concerns, uncertainty and hesitations. On the contrary, the analysis of hws never brings such a kind of fever, it becomes even clearer, more definite, and escorting EPs intensify. Even if the hw changes after its analysis, this change of wishes will be confident, quiet, outside of the flickering and worrying concerns, and the escorting EPs will not disappear. Quotation from Skvo: “analysis of the hws is like an ornament, it is accompanied with delight and amazement. It is like a rustle of the leaves on a tree of wishes – light, transparent and sunny”.
While the practitioner is getting rid of the distresses and experiences the EPs, a desire to experience the EPs (“dEPs”) intensifies, becomes more frequent and from a certain moment dominates all other wishes. Upon that “a remembrance of dEPs” is actualized, i.e.:
а) like a boy who is head over heels in love, has a continuous background of a desire to see his beloved girl no matter what he is busy with, similarly dEPs become a continuous enlightened background.
b) there is a rational clarity that dEPs is the most significant and a passionate desire, without it there is no meaning and no life; it strongly resonates with anticipation, prelibation and the feeling of mystery.
DEPs becomes the centre of the world of wishes, indication point in the sense that all other wishes weaken if they do not resonate with dEPs. A happy wish of this quality I call a “unique goal”. The following story describes the behaviour of a man who had such a unique goal. One Tibetan monk lived in a cave, and every time when he went out to have a pee, he was hurt by the sharp thorns of a bush growing at the entrance. Every time he thought: “I will go back, take an ax and chop that bush”, but when he returned to the cave he thought: “I do not want to lose my time while chopping this bush, I can die tomorrow without achieving my goal! I will not waste my valuable minutes and go on practicing instead of chopping the bush”. This is an example of remembrance about the unique goal.
The unique goal becomes bright and stable if it is accompanied with:
а) other EPs
b) rational clarity what exact state is the object of the desire
c) rational clarity what exact frontline of work there is at a given moment
d) the position of the dragon (see chapter “effective practices”).
Manifestation of a unique goal brings the effect of an opening fist. I feel as if the hand that is limiting my efforts, is little by little opening and allowing me to go free. The bowstring releases and the arrow flies towards the target. The fist represents the doubts, uncertainty, blurriness of the aim, promiscuous mechanical attractions.
When a practitioner does not have a perception of a unique goal, he first wants to achieve clarity whether the NE he is experiencing is indeed unwelcome to him. But if you are experiencing an NE, a clarity is hard to achieve, more than that, it manages to strengthen and generate others, thus it’s a waste of time to speak about the perfect eradication of the NE. If you have a unique goal, then you have a determined wish to eradicate NEs regardless of achieving or not achieving clarity (and if this NE eventuated, then there cannot be any good clarity), as well as there is no wish to experience a NE while you try to achieve this clarity, and then you can perfectly eradicate it. When there is a perception of a unique goal, then there is the clarity that you want only EPs – remembering them, jumping into them without any hesitations, as this is the only thing you want to do.
When there are EPs, it is clear that for a while their splashes will be changed with periods of distresses. When you think about it, hws arise to fight by any means, even when the distresses overpower, e.g. perform formal practices (a written report about your life every half an hour, every minute recording, emotional polishing, recurring perceptions and so on). Let us call the complex of such actions “a frontline of emergencies” (“FE”). But when the EPs disappear, a chaos of mws and NEs eventuates, and on one hand you do not want to experience distresses, and on the other hand there is no hw to deal with the FE. The more frequent and intensified the EPs and determination to stand up for them during the distressful periods, the stronger is the wish to work with FE in those situations up to the moment when the hws appear again. This wish we will call the “deputy manager”.
“A wish of adopting the EPs” plays a huge role in the practice. This is such a wish that
а) resonates with the words like “I want to be like her”, “I want to experience what she describes”, or “I want to adopt this quality from her”;
b) is escorted with strong (not less than 7-8 against of scale of 10) EPs of the sector of Unity (fondness, devotion, commitment and others – see the chapter “List of EPs with descriptions”) and others.
Regardless of how surprising it is, the wish to adopt EPs brings EPs both already known and new ones, and their description corresponds to the description of those that triggered this wish.
The wish of adopting perceptions can also be experienced to what we call “environment, phenomena of nature, animals, plants” and so on. In this case the sufficient criterion for EPs to eventuate is observing condition “b” + performing techniques of eradication of the mechanical differentiating conscience, like “not-rivers, not-mountains”, recurring change of confidence and others. A separate paragraph is dedicated to the description of the technology of EPs adoption.
Let us also single out “a wish to share EPs”.
When hws are lasting and intensive, at a certain moment they eventuate in a phenomenon that I would call “a breakaway into aspiration”, when the object-orientated wish as if retreats and becomes a background, giving way to “aspiration” or “triumph” or any other objectless EP from the sector of Aspiration, strongly resonating with the hw.
Let us call planning a complex of thoughts relating to realization of a hw that you are experiencing with the words “I want to do it at a certain point of time” with the corresponding images. Planning is usually accompanied with a mechanical certainty that the future will be as you are planning it, or, if it is your pattern to feel concerned, the future will be exactly different from your plans. This or that way, but a mechanical certainty is being formed, the hw decreases and it eventuates in prosiness. As if you stand on the rails. While you are planning you can be aware that the future might be anything depending on your hws and circumstances. This will bring intensive hws during the planning, the circumstances will “thicken” being filled with incredible profoundness of meanings.
”Wish to study” is one of the most powerful hws that strongly resonates with many EPs. The definition of a “wish to study” includes: (a) a wish to achieve new understanding, hws, EPs, technologies of EPs achieving, and (b) a wish to acquire new knowledge (foreign languages, any sciences and disciplines), and (c) a wish to acquire new skills, like scuba-diving, mountaineering, horse riding and etc.
For an ordinary person a wish to study is usually escorted with a lot of NEs, skeptical thoughts, laziness and fears of failures. This is due to forcing children from the earliest age (up to a physical abuse, blackmail, threats, punishments of the most different kinds and fears of punishments, indoctrination of concepts) to go to school, institute, compelling them to learn what is “required”, and not what they were interested in. This is why “what has been learnt” is forgotten immediately, and the process of learning is associated with torture, not with joy and anticipation.
To experience the enlightened power of studying, it is necessary to liberate the wish to study from those distresses. For this you have to follow ONLY happy wishes to study against all the fears, stereotypes and concepts, and during the whole process of studying track this feeling of anticipation (e.g. in the form of recording every 5 minutes the percentage of time spent with clear differentiation of anticipation). The system of values should also be changed: experiencing anticipation is to be the main activity, and receiving information and acquiring skills is a secondary activity. In this case studying becomes the most intensive process of enjoying which resonates with whole clusters of EPs.
Realization of the hw to study is a great method to overpower “guards”. Happy studies together with the formal practices make a powerful battering ram, crunching through the wall of distresses on the path to EPs.
It is good to investigate and clear away the concepts relating to studies. Typical concepts that stand in the way of studies:
1) “if you started studying – you must not stop”. Start and stop as many times as you like. As soon as a hw to study something appears – you start, as soon as it disappears – you stop. Herewith, it is necessary to get rid of NEs that can appear, like disappointment that the study is not finished, shame that you did not complete what you have started, FSI and so on. This kind of approach brings achieving good knowledge and skills, accompanied with a bright wish of creating, with clarity and it intensifies the wish to study and the wish of EPs. If the hws to study make a mess, i.e. replace each other so often that you do not acquire good skills, then this is a temporary phenomenon related to the pattern of suppressing the hws, but with time these wishes become lasting and strong.
2) “you have to try to achieve a certain goal, it is stupid to learn just for pleasure. Stupid to learn what you will not be able to use”. You enjoy studying only when you learn something because right now you do enjoy it. It is necessary to eradicate mechanical wishes, like “I will finish reading this paragraph” and so on.
If studying is a necessary requirement for the realization of another hw (e.g. there is a hw to earn enough money for realizing other hws, and your profession requires improving your qualifications), then such motivation is enlightened, non-mechanical, and as a result often it eventuates in the hw to study what is necessary. Along with that there may appear a hw to change the way of earning.
3) “you have to learn when you are young, it is too late at my age”. It is never “late” to enjoy studying and to travel into EPs. Dementia, senility are not caused by time, they are the consequences of NEs, dullness, mechanical wishes and some people are old from a young age. A person, performing PDP, eradicates old age together with distresses.
03-01-06 Example of classifying wishes by types
Lizard offers the following classification of wishes:
Distressed wishes:
1-dmw – is a wish caused by NEs. If I feel worried, I always feel a wish to do something to suppress my worry. Experiencing these wishes is always accompanied with NEs and their realization brings either intensifying or temporary relief and partial substitution with a consolidated grey state and satisfaction, lacking any EPs and hws. A splash of NEs will follow if the wish is not realized or if there is just a thought that it will not be realized, without the substitution of this wish with a hw.
2-dmw: is a wish caused by concepts. If I find that I must give an answer to your question, then there is a wish to reply, but I do not experience joy and anticipation. I experience concern which is a characteristic quality of conceptually reasoned wishes. If I realize this wish, the concern will decrease and a dull state and satisfaction eventuate, but this is temporary. Thus suppressing my concern I only strengthen the pattern of experiencing it, this is why after satisfaction a new 2-dmw will appear, a new concern, which is most often twice as strong and consolidated more than the previous one ( the same mechanism works here like with NEs suppression due to the realization of the 1-dmw). Intensified NEs will follow if the 2-dmw is not realized or if there is just a thought that it will not be realized, without the substitution of this wish with a hw.
3-dmw: pure mechanical wishes. If I see chocolate, there is a wish to eat it. An essential part of my life consisted in realization of such wishes. чисто механические желания. Most often I was not aware that this wish was mechanical and did not stop in time. The majority of 3-dmws are very brief, they last for a few seconds, and their realization can occupy a few seconds or minutes. 3-dmws that need just a few seconds for their realization, is most often unnoticed, like I need to scratch – I do, somebody passes by – I look at him, a snout is laughing – I smile in reply. Realization of such wishes brings dullness, satisfaction and supports prosiness. Non-realization or just a thought that it will not be realized bring displeasure and dullness.
4-dmw: it is a wish to receive impressions. 3-dmw and 4-dmw are very similar in the way of experiencing, but 4-dmws are longer, stronger and more obtrusive, i.e. their realization takes more time. They appear due to dullness and boredom. I can sit on a sofa and suddenly I want chocolate or talk to somebody or go shopping. Realization of such wishes always eventuates in dull-grey state, satisfaction without and flashes of EPs. My idée fixe are most often 4-dmws (these are wishes that are realized at any price regardless of all “against” arguments, often leaving unnoticed those factors that can optimize the realization of the wish). They become idée fixe due to seem to be so harmless, it is clear they are not 1-dmws, not 2dmws, so they can be realized. I am not aware that in such moments I become amuck and all my systems are now aimed at the realization – my loud inner dialogue, emotions, other wishes. Non-realization or the thought of non-realization are escorted with more intensified dullness and dissatisfaction, than in case of 3-dmws. It can even eventuate in the feeling of hopelessness.
Enlightened wishes:
1-ews: these are mixed wishes that are escorted with PEs and weak EPs when you experience them. At the moment I classify them as EW, because not always I get intoxicated from their realization, and if I realize exactly what I wanted, it can eventuate in the flash of EPs. PEs and EPs of the 1-ew are so often mixed, that not always I can differentiate them. Like just now I have had anticipation, start realizing the wish and see that I experience only satisfaction or only PE of passion, or self-satisfaction and I doubt that I have had the anticipation at all. Next time there is a similar wish (e.g. to watch a movie) and again I record the anticipation and think I am sincere, and then again I have my doubts. 50% of 1-ews are directed at such actions as to watch a movie, read a book, look through a magazine with pictures of animals, and the other 50% of 1-ews are directed at everyday activities, like to buy something for the den, throw away things you do not need, look at the books and select them and so on. Realization of such wishes in 50% of the cases brings disappointment, boredom, dullness and in the other 50% of cases your state either does not change, i.e. there is a mixture of PEs and weak EPs, or there are flashes of a little brighter EPs, but it does not bring any essential changes. Forced non-realization or a thought of non-realization of a 1-ews can be accompanied with dullness, disappointment and displeasure, or it can bring can bring anticipation, aspiration and a happy wish to experience 2ew.
2-ews: these wishes are escorted with perceptions that I definitely recognize as enlightened. Criteria: physical senses (heat, menthol, pleasant anesthesia in different body parts, feeling of pleasant fullness or expanding in the whole body), but even if I did not have these physical manifestations, I still would not doubt that I am experiencing the EPs at those moments. The thought of realization of such wishes and the realization itself, providing distressed components are not admixed, is escorted with intensifying of physical senses, especially enjoyment in the throat and expanding in the body. Every step in the realization of the wish is accompanied with splashes of physical senses and EPs. If distresses are missing, intoxication never happens, on the contrary, new enlightened wishes and creative ideas eventuate. You want to run all ways at once and learn to realize a few happy wishes simultaneously, because it is hard to choose exactly what I want to realize right now. Most of these wishes relate to practice, you want to record your discovery, to write a message, investigate a distress, write a book or articles, look at the not-sky, generating fondness; and at the same time to walk, to cherish, to listen to music, read something about EPs. Forced non-realization or a thought of non-realization of 2-ews can cause displeasure, but it easily can be eradicated and eventuate in another happy wish.
3-ew: this is a wish that is escorted with aspiration that is experienced like a flow. Resonating image – as if I was rowing with all my might in still water, and then a strong current took me, I only had to steer as it was now carrying me. Experiencing such wishes is the moments of living in aspiration, when all perceptions become a wide flowing river in one direction, and this movement is like approaching something joyful. Something similar, though weak, I experienced when in childhood I was brought to the park with a big playground and at a certain moment I could hear the approaching rumble of attractions and it intensified my joy and anticipation. From all sides there were people going to the park, in the morning they all walked in one direction, as if there was some magnet that was pulling them, and I thought that all other people experienced something like me. Everything inside me was standing still due to my anticipation. It seemed to me that when at last I am there, something incredible will happen, and I wanted to run. Also there can be a sense of a spinnaker, catching strong wind and the sail is ballooned full. Realization of such wishes, providing distresses are not admixed with them, always brings discoveries, new EPs and more intensive aspirations and physical senses. If the realization of such wishes is not possible, it does not cause NEs, it brings only anticipation.
03-01-07 Power issue. “Meditation”
Usually it does not amaze that happiness, the feeling of beauty and fondness resonate each other, is accepted as natural, because the perceptions seem to be close. But if you look at this from a fresh point of view, it will eventuate in amazement, that this is exactly as it is and not any other way, like for example happiness does not resonate irritation.
But what’s more amazing is that the resonance can be caused by perceptions, that are not similar, e.g. happiness and sincerity! It is surprising that these two so different perceptions resonate with each other. Amazing is the resonance between the sphere of emptiness and detachment, between rational clarity and serenity. The resonance between the perceptions that have different descriptions from the semantic point of view, e.g. between faithfulness and detachment, is also amazing.
It is amazing that the physical state becomes also exceptionally pleasant due to the resonating EPs! To see clearly this amazing harmony imagine that your well-being would improve due to affection and irritation or would get worse from faithfulness. Impossible to even imagine what it would eventuate to.
“Governmental” system of any person is as following: officially the power is in the hands of somebody who is wearing the uniform of a dictator with the name “I”. There is also a circle of individuals (i.e. perceptions) that have an access to the uniform on the permanent basis, and another circle has the access to it from time to time. Sometimes, due to the influence of the external circumstances the uniform can happen to be in the hands of a newcomer.
Takeover of the power happens chaotically and very quickly, the uniform is passed from hands to hands in minutes, or even seconds.
If regular access to the uniform is within the circle of individuals that are agreed upon their opinions, then the policy of each of them is not too contradictive, and such person if called “consecutive” or “persistent”, or “resolute”, but even in these situations they can remind of a trio a swan, a crab and a pike going different directions.
The mess of the uniform holders is continuous and everybody thinks he is responsible for previous decisions.
Let us now return to the descriptions of perceptions.
An ordinary person’s wishes are all mechanical and in this situation it’s even impossible to think over the concept “I”, it immediately brings tiredness and NEs. A happy wish to hold on and think about power appears and gets stronger while hws are revealed more intensively and frequently.
Every moment something happens and is experienced, and a wish with a well-established pattern overpowers the one with a weaker pattern, a very frequent perception (a habit) is revealed due to a wish of even a very weak pattern. To break away through the picket fence of those patterns it is necessary for a new wish to be closely associated with one of the regular habits and be directed at the realization of one of them, or the new wish should be extremely strong and/or persistent.
EPs (EPs, clarity, hws, EES and physical senses) and distresses (NEs, dullness and false concepts, mws, NES) are endlessly far from each other, so incompatible, that when EPs are getting more stable, there eventuates an issue of power. The person is literally torn into two parts. The power is passed from NEs to EPs, and when one of them rules, it will not accept any decisions of the other party. This is why from the point of view of an outside observer, who is far from practicing EPs, that person will look contradictive and unreliable. 5 minutes ago she has agreed about something with you and now she refuses to abide to this agreement just because there is no hw. But this instability lasts until she learns to differentiate between the hws and mws. Hws in their pure form can be suddenly substituted with other hws in the process of realization, but still their majority is very stable and definite, so the practitioner usually has no problems with the realization of even long term hws.
Splitting of the whole complex of perceptions into two irreconcilable parts is not schizophrenia or anything like that as it has been described in psychiatry. The difference is that phenomena, which are considered to be pathology and cause suffering, consists in a change of combination of distressed perceptions, like one complex of mws opposes the other, or some concepts stand against others. Those, who aspire to experiencing as many EPs as possible, take all practical steps and achieve the result and face the situation of “dividing in two”, witness that this is a very attractive state. It is not a fight of two equivalent parts, it resonates with an image of a fight for freedom. Quite often it happens that a frequent takeover between EPs and NEs takes place, and then it eventuates in a special clarity that by some unknown reason EPs resonate with the words “alive”, “real”, “that”, and distresses turn opposite. Thus the more often and brighter the EPs, the more you enjoy and the more other EPs are revealed thanks to this process of the fight with distresses, even if this process does not go easily for you.
If you do not reduce your persistence in practicing and do not have frequent orgasms (not more than one series of orgasms in 2 – 3 months), then with time your enlightened background (EB) will become closer and closer to continuous, and the two-party system will change to the one party system of power. Now the coalition of EPs will rule, not an empty can of “I” that could accommodate any concept. At first there was one person, who split into two, and then again one.
On the way to a new union the following question will regularly arise: at this moment what wish will overpower: a wish to play a computer game and experience either satisfaction or dissatisfaction, or a wish to read a book about Ramakrishna and experience EPs. Right now it will be either this or that. This is what changes the situation and breaks the undivided rule of mechanical wishes, that in any case there will be either the first, or the second, or the third – some wish will overpower all the rest. Amazingly this clarity intensifies the hw to experience EPs. However it’s not that surprising if we remember what I have started with: the quality of EPs to resonate each other. Hence it is easy to see, that ANY clarity accompanies the hw to experience EPs. This is why the practice of getting rid of the concepts, i.e. words with indefinite meaning and so on, plays such a huge role for all the branches of practicing – achieving rational clarity resonates with EP-clarity with exceptional strength, and adds to the weight of a wish to experience EPs on the balance scales cup.
The term “meditation” is wide spread. Most often it is used as a beautiful attraction and it is not clear what this word means. Those who really perform some practices, use this word to identify recurring attention from all thoughts, wishes, emotions, and this process eventuates in some appealing perceptions. Descriptions of such perceptions often resonate with EPs (it depends on the author’s individuality). An essential condition of successful meditation is getting rid of any wishes. Many instructions on meditations specify that even the wish of a result is an obstacle. It contradicts the practice of cultivating hws and I want to explain that.
If there is no clarity in the bottomless profundity, dividing hws and mws, no experience to differentiate them, cultivate the first and eradicate the second; no knowledge that hws resonate with EPs and that mws are incompatible with them; if you do not practice eradication of NEs that appear due to their patterns and realization of mws (including a wish of a result, if there are mechanical components in it), then of course EPs can be achieved only due to complete recurring of attention from all perceptions. Herewith, firstly all EPs will be brief, unstable, of low intensity, transparency and profoundness (i.e. poor spectrum of undertones) and thus they will not be able to significantly influence all the complex of perceptions in the spot and to become an essential antidote to distresses, consequently they will not form a pattern. Secondly, this kind of practice is incompatible with the activities of daily living, saying nothing about living full of hws, as you have to have special time for meditating. Along with that, EPs of the sector of Aspiration cannot be revealed with any stability in meditation practice at all, because the hws are the mostly resonating factors for the first “sparks of such EPs. Thirdly, a meditative person resembles the one who is sitting on the beach and waiting to see what the ocean will bring, but when EPs reveal, he cannot grip them and make them a part of his complex of perceptions, because he eradicates this wish! He can only watch the EP appear and then, not being supported by a hw to experience it, disappear quickly. Thus he deprives himself of a powerful force that accelerates dozens and hundreds of times, acquiring the pattern to experience attractive perceptions.
Certainly, a practitioner of PDP “meditates” – he eradicates distresses (and sometimes not only the distresses, but all perceptions on a run), “is listening” to what “is arousing”, but when EPs eventuate, he experiences the resonating hw to experience EPs more frequently and stronger. He differentiates this wish from mechanical and the distressed ones, while experiencing, cultivates this wish using formal practices techniques and achieves high speeds of forming and intensifying the pattern of experiencing EPs. He grips EPs at their first appearance with the help of recording and describing. More than that, due to performing formal practices, he achieves stable and intensive EPs, experiences new EPs, new hws appear and he starts his journey into the world of EPs. For this he does not have to divide his life into “practice” and “non-practice”, this would dramatically reduce the practice efficiency. The practitioner can practice for 24 hours a day and any situation is ideal for him!