06-02-01 List and resonating descriptions of EPs
Due to a very serious deficit of time (which means a very high competition of happy wishes), I will make additions to this scheme gradually.
I find that a good quality description (that resonates intensively with the corresponding EPs) is the description, where:
а) the specific qualities of this EP, that differentiate it from any other EP, are emphasized to its maximum
b) there is no pietism, no philosophic super intellectual and other words that lack preciseness of a perception (like super limitless, cosmic, super consciousness, fascinating, incredible and others), because only words of clear meaning have strong resonance (a dog, a pine tree, frosty air, want to breathe and so on – exactly what has been experienced many times).
Other recommendations see in chapter “Descriptions and recordings”.
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Sector of Determination:
- · happy wish
- · necessity
- · strong wish or persistence
- · aspiration
- · determination
- · furiousness
- · happy expectation
- · prelibation
- · anticipation (feeling of mystery)
- · everlasting spring
- · appeal
- · wonderment
- · triumph
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
*) A strong happy wish acquires a quality that resonates with the word “necessity”, something, that if you miss it, it is like you miss water or air. Hedgehoggie: “it is like the necessity to breathe, this is the certainty that EPs are vital for me. When you dive and stare at the underwater creatures, at a certain moment you feel you have to surface and fill your lungs with air, to nourish yourself with air. At first moments there is even no prelibation, you percept only this need and resonating with it determination, and at the thought that such a perception is at all possible, there appears the serenity and a splash of ecstasy”.
*) Fyord: “it resonates with an image of a wolf in a trap – his wish of freedom is so strong that he bites off his own paw and achieves freedom”.
“Strong wish” or “persistence”:
*) an intense happy wish, purified from polluted skeptic thoughts and flashes of NEs (e.g. concerns if the wish will be realized or won’t be, who and what will think about you and so on) becomes a “strong wish”, which is extremely stable and resonates with the words “persistence”, “steadfastness”..
*) when a strong wish is aimed at the eradication of distresses, the image of the pressure machine or the vice resonates with it. The device squeezes what I want to squash. Every time I make many monotone efforts to shift the gear just one tooth. And if this shift took place, it is irreversible as the mechanism does not have a reverse gear. With every shift the tension in the distress under pressure increases, it starts scrunching, rattling, and anticipation is growing that once it will be destroyed and become scrap metal.
*) a warrior can have failures a thousand times, but he will never give up.
*) when the persistence is around 7 and higher, I do not look back with thoughts like “I have slept in for 5 minutes, now the whole hour is lost”, but continue concentrating on EPs and generating them. When persistence is weak, the thoughts the effort that has not been effective enough in the past decrease significantly effort in the present. Did I miss a Chd 10 seconds ago? It already does not matter now, as I keep struggling with all my might.
The thoughts of inefficiency of your effort in the past decrease your effort in the present only if right now I do not have a wish to make an effort, and these thoughts are used as an excuse.
*) Persistence is resonating with an image of wind that is blowing in Jomsom – it starts every day at midday and runs from the plain up high. It is so strong, that any person staying within, feels uncontrollable irritation up to fury – this wind “exhausts your soul”. It does not weaken for even a second, does not give you a break for a moment, it pressures, pressures, pressures and nothing can stop it.
*) Swift: “a firm voice is persistently penetrating though the veil, through the dream. This voice will repeat maybe many thousand times relentlessly through the veil: “there is a reason to struggle for, Swift!”
*) Taisha Abelar: the only sound in the kitchen was the rhythmic water drops through the lime filter. I thought it reminded me of the gradual purification in the process of recalling. I suddenly felt a surge of enthusiasm and anticipation. You definitely can change yourself, drop by drop, thought after thought, purify like water seeping through that filter.
*) Persistence in generating EPs resonates with an image of a beast that draws a toy with his clawed paw. Like cats “stretch the claws”, outstretch the paw and expose the claws, catching something with it and retrieving it. The EP that appeared can weaken due to the chaotic distractions or undeveloped pattern of being in this state, but I am pulling it towards myself, playing with it, allowing it to retreat a bit, and re-pulling towards myself again and again. Such an image that accompanies the effort, eliminates a poetic attitude towards EPs and generates a happy playful cheer.
*) Someone: “I realized that my understanding of persistence was like a hard and tiring exercise – squeeze of the vice or shift something heavy step by step, but it turned out to be a strong intense joyful flow, like a mountainous stream – transparent, sparkling, swift, with schools of happy wishes, and simultaneously it has power, rush, relentlessness, nothing can stop it. It was the first time I differentiated persistence, earlier the perception of a flow I related to the signs of anticipation. This perception of a flow washes away all the mechanical ingredients of my understanding of persistence, they are like a miserable ineffective tool of the Stone Age in comparison with the powerful joyful flow, persistence of up to 5 resonates with happiness, prelibation, pleasure, hws and everlasting journey.
This is a quiet and confident perception, there is no feverishness, and even if ChD happen, then after realizing it and recording a small decrease of persistence, I return my attention and persistence increases again.
As if a thick layer was dusted from my eyes, the feeling of beauty became 5, mechanical estimation and preferences shifted away, and what was left – was amazement, admiration, openness, there were no borders, just a wish to blend and embrace.
*) a powerful flow of the sea cascades into a crevice in a rock; there are no obstacles.
*) from a snout’s report: “nothing will stop me. Now I know for sure that this is not a guess, not the flight of imagination, not the sweetest dreams, I know it exactly. I consolidate the practice of remembrance, apply stronger effort of remembering, than earlier – about Ramakrishna, about snouts, about my aspiration towards Experiences. I cannot say I am doing something exhausting, like tiring from formal practices and so on. It can be even said that I have an easy life, I just perform the remembrance practice and accompany it with the formal practices only when concentration decreases. I simply achieve continuous remembering and it brings such stormy EPs, that clarity has appeared – this is only my wish that can stop me here, nothing else”.
*) Agava: “A huge chunk has broken away from the cliff and it is flying down in its deadly fall”.
*) sometimes it resonates with a wish to get up and start rushing all about the room, build something, explore, investigate.
*) it resonates with an image of a huge train that started moving as a result of lasting effort. Its mass is so big and it has been so difficult to shift it, now it has the same difficulty to stop – it’s giant bulk is steadily moving forward.
*) the stronger the determination, the less the impact of skeptic thoughts, and the weaker the mechanical doubts are (these are unreasonable doubts, that appear due to a pattern, despite the rational clarity that there are no grounds for doubts or despite a happy wish to make this or that choice, taking into account all possible consequences).
*) it increases at a thought “ten generations of warriors have achieved it doing this”.
*) Swift: Bodh’s phrase that brings resonance with determination: “now you know what an EP is, you know that there is a reason to struggle, Swift… what to struggle for!”
*) Don Juan: “you must do something greater. You always have to excel yourself”.
*) resonates with the words “a categorical disagreement with distresses”.
*) Adji: “a resonating image: I am the apex of the wind. Like birds fly in the form of a pointed wedge, I ride forward like the pointed wedge of the wind, and all that I am carrying behind me is the clutter from my past, which I still did not manage to get rid of, but it is not at my apex, there is only an effort there, that is not distressed, and my aspiration without any skeptics and doubts. The apex of the wind is transparent and aurulent, like a thin cloud, which is filled with sunshine. The way is undulating, but the apex is always looking towards the horizon, to the join, where not-the-sky blends with not-the-land, to the place, where there is my home, mystery and prelibation”.
*) it is a totally uncompromising attitude towards distresses, which means towards the states, when feelings are not revealed. It is impossible to give up to distractions even for a few seconds, when you forget about the remembrance of the practice as there immediately appears the poisoning by impotence and a wish to return the aspiration. Continuous effort and super effort become a direct task and the sweetest goal.
*) resonating thought: “practice starts from the first second as you wake up and lasts till you fall asleep, and during sleep as well, when you realize yourself in your dream. Distractions are surfacing without penetrating inside”.
*) Resonating phrase is “excessive determination”, “desperate determination”. “Excessive” does not mean “not needed”, but overflowing.
*) Resonating image is a bow string, so tight and tense, that it releases a hardly heard vibration sound.
*) During the first experiments of experiencing furiousness there appears an irresistible desire to immediately start a battle with NEs, realize happy wishes, cut your way through the jungle of “nothing-is-happening” to EPs. A happy wish of realizing happy wishes may not even be there, but if it is there, its realization does not still drain the furiousness, it always seems “it’s not enough”, you want to turn yourself inside out and do more and more. Over the short term it can lead to a mechanical wish to start doing something, but upon eradication of this mechanical wish there appears a balanced state at an absolutely new level. It turns out you can be continuously “overfilled” with determination and readiness to break forth like an arrow. It is a very attractive state and you want to stay in it, and the longer you experience it, the stronger the wish. It eventuates in clarity, that until now you have been a jelly-fish, a rotting stump. You did not even understand that it is possible to live at this level of oversaturation, ecstatic readiness of happy wishes realization.
*) It resonates with the word “desperation”, but this desperation is not self-pity, sadness and so on. It is the desperation of a sinking person, he has already lost any chance of being rescued, and suddenly sees a lifebelt at a distance. He understands that now he has to do the impossible, forget about life and death, stop waiting for a miracle or rescuers – he has to do everything imaginable and unimaginable, beyond all human capabilities and reach for the lifebelt. This is a desperation that mobilizes all your strength, everything insignificant and artificial falls away like a husk, your life is at stake, and this is not figuratively, poetically or philosophically speaking, this is the actual uncovered reality. This state is endlessly far from satisfaction or self-pity.
Hedgehohhie: “self-pity cannot be compatible with the desperation at all, only short automatic splashes of pity are possible while you are prone to it. As far as I remember, self-pity is something so withered, that you can linger with it for long + feeling of self-importance – a wish to think of yourself, poor thing, something bad has happened to you. Self-pity destroys you, suppresses everything, I am ready to lose my heart, give in, all the world is against me. As for desperation, it is an explosion, you cannot stay motionless after it, you want to bite away all the restraints, struggle, and even if you know that nothing will change, just because it is impossible to live otherwise. Being desperate I do not care if my actions do not suit somebody, there is no deceit or hesitancy in desperation, while in self-pity you live like you will live forever”.
*) There is an absolute incompatibility of furiousness with satisfaction.
*) Furiousness is accompanied with a specific physical feeling – “will power output” (breaking in the region of the belly-button, as if something is trying to break outside) is escorted with vibration, approximately 7-8 hertz (vibrations per second), which spreads from the center all over the body. It is an unusual and pleasant feeling.
*) “It is necessary to breakthrough. I do not want neither to listen about anything else, nor to think or speak. These are not fantasies, not tales, this is reality. There is a way out and I am ready to pay any price to achieve it, I know for sure – it exists. Minute after minute I will work to achieve the ecstatic EPs. Whatever the cost, I am ready to pay”.
*) From Hedgehoggie’s report: “there appeared a wish of physical transformation by any means to consolidate my experience of EPs. At the beginning there was a surprise from the inexplicable change of my perceptions, but then there was a wish to get rid of these thoughts as well – what’s the difference why? My determination is up to ecstatic quality. I decided the deadline – when Bo comes back from the mountains. There is not much time. I always think I have lots of time. I am fed up with my impotence, it sucks that this changed with spurts of desperation followed by satisfaction. I started making an effort. There appeared my main distresses – concerns that my studies can be affected, NA towards Swift can impact, NEs from illness can affect as well. And suddenly I understood that all these concerns do not exist for me anymore. They just do not exist, and that is all. I have only one goal. And I will not exchange it for anything, what an enjoyment! The entire world stopped existing for me. Not like alienation from Swift –as if she is not there and this is why there is no NA, but like an ecstatic happy thought of her that I will never feel NA towards her, I will feel only pleasure from her being around, and from the institute.
All distresses faded away so easily! I know that this is only for a minute, for now. If I do not concentrate on this state, I will lose it. For three hours I was making a 10 second recording of this wish. I did not even give myself a chance of a choice “either I will make a breakthrough, or…” – I must make this breakthrough, there is no choice.
Maybe earlier, when I wanted to make this breakthrough, this wish was not clear enough. I have never before experienced such a bright and unique goal. Nothing else exists, except this goal, and it creates an ecstatic feeling. Until this aim is achieved, I can’t think of or want nothing else, I can be afraid of nothing. I have no time.
The second hour brings a wish to have a break. Delightful: I know this guard! I will easily jump over it.
All the mysterious world of September last year, when so often it had a background of a unique goal, suddenly became very close. As if I came up to the border, that previously I could reach only during that period. But now I am more experienced, I know that there is nothing to wait for, I just have to carry on with what I am doing regardless of anything – of snouts practice, of whether Bo is going to return or not. It is necessary to jump over this abyss. Delight: nothing is holding me, there is an image of an abyss that earlier I have only approached, but now I am going to jump and nothing will stop me.
Also there is a dull thought: the brighter the EPs, the more difficult it is to achieve. To this thought clarity appears: the more radiant the EPs, the EASIER it will be.
For about 10 minutes I feel ecstatic, and radiant EPs – for two hours! There is such a determination, that I even do not want to think why.
One more guard: satisfaction. Happiness – 10: why satisfaction, I have not yet achieved my goal! Only physical transformation, I do not agree with anything less.
When I was falling asleep, I had a sensation of an iron rod from protruding from the back of my head, which was applying pressure up at about 30 cm”.
*) a stray dog saw something curious and bolted there.
*) the image of yourself as a beginner in the practice – my life has just started, my practice has only begun, I take my first steps and everything the most interesting is in front of me.
*) The story from Fluffy Monkey: “there were chaotic distractions from the dream in the first seconds after awakening. I looked at the notes: “I am a beginner, it all starts and there is such an interesting journey in front of me”. I re-read it a few times, generating anticipation. Suddenly a certainty-clarity eventuated that I have just appeared, that I have never been in this room and in this body, I have no past, I have nothing, I have just come into being. I have looked at the poster with a logo, hanging over my bed, where I have just appeared. There is a certainty that it is not me who wrote it, I am confident that another creature, who lived here before me, wrote it, expressed its wishes, gave its instructions and left. I like this creature and I want to realize its wishes. There is a prelibation of today’s work for it, joy that there is so many things of interest awaiting me, unusual state of easiness – from the thought that I have no past, I have not given any promises, do not owe anything to anybody, I have no sense of guilt, I am not ashamed of anything, I have nothing to lose and nothing to be afraid of”.
*) Fyord: “it resonates with an image of a snow avalanche that is going to start down the mountain at any moment, and also with the state of being on the verge of orgasm. It resonates with the phrase “right now something is going to happen”.
*) Fyord: “there appears a breaking sensation in the chest, a wish to breathe deep and happy wishes of activity”.
*) Characteristic difference between prelibation and anticipation is that when you return your attention from the object of prelibation, it decreases, while anticipation does not reduce the intensity.
*) feeling of a mystery, a fairy-tale.
*) as if I was waiting for very long, I “froze” in my emotionlessness and distresses and now I thaw out and there is a mystery in front of me. It resonates with a happy wish to do something from practice with all my excitement.
*) strongly resonates with admiration. Einstein: feeling of mystery is the best that we ever can experience. Those who do not know this feeling, who cannot pause and think in humble delight, are lifeless and their eyes are closed.
*) Lama: It is night in the train. When you are looking out the window, you see darkness, and here and there houselights gleam, or the streetlamps of small villages. People images appear, they gather around those lights like butterflies – they watch TV, live their ordinary life. Every light is perceived as a small island of prosiness and around it there is a boundless, appealing and chilling ocean of darkness.
*) life is being conceived, it looks weak, but it cannot be stopped; tender tree buds start opening in spring, thin streams flow and melt the ice, it becomes fragile, you want to break and shake it off, and feel easy. Nothing will stop spring. If you make a dam on a small stream, it will become an ocean and wash it away on its way. The words “Nothing will stop spring”. Something very desirable and delightful is unpreventable.
*) Hedgehoggie: “snow starts melting in spring and ground shows through. Again and again it is covered with snow, but spring cannot be stopped and the snow finally disappears. Small ecstatic splashes become a background. Everything resonates with ecstatic intensity and eventuates in clarity that I only start living, feeling and perceiving, before I was like frozen. The body does not feel cozy, it is not comfortable any more, it cannot accommodate the EPs, it feels like it has been poisoned and needs to be transformed, purified from NES traces and integrated with EPs as a unique experience”.
*) “beginning” – is a strong uncontrollable motion that accumulates energy and develops rapidly. It is the beginning of the ice break, snow melting and the hastening of the clouds.
*) Hedgehoggie: even when it is almost imperceptible, it is still ferociously penetrating. A resonating image: there is bonfire smoke on the slope of a nearby mountain, lights on the other side of the river – there is something far away on the horizon.
*) Hedgehoggie: as if there appears a wish to see only the horizon and not the things surrounding you.
*) Hedgehoggie: resonates with detachment
*) Adji: desert, night, I cannot comprehend where I end and where this soft chilly night starts, we are at one, this night will not eventuate into tomorrow, but this night has a chance for me. I do not know what this chance is for, but whatever it is – it appeals, and if it’s not what I was looking for, I still want this chance, because I cannot and I do not want to be as I have been.
This night looks like a gorge running deep through the mountains, and when I leave, the mountains will interlock behind me and nothing will stay as it has been.
The stars are twinkling, and no matter how far away they are – they are the closest beings for me, I am not attached to anybody, their company is the best that I can wish for at the moment when I get my chance. This moment – this is what I want to take with me for my journey. I feel grateful, affectionate and very warmhearted towards all who stay behind.
*) Hedgehoggie: it is an intensive piercing wish of something that you do not quite well understand, but you want to experience it and do not find any explanations. It seems to me that any action or phenomenon, known to me, is too minor and will never be able to resonate with this wish.
*) it takes away your breath; a tsunami; it cannot be; an awe.
*) it takes place when you achieve new discoveries.
*) it resonates intensively with delight and mysteriousness.
*) an image of an old man: I pretend to be an old man sitting at a bench in a park of a mossy godforsaken small town. People pass by sometimes, from time to time a breeze raises dust, there is prosiness and drabness around and nobody even notices me. I am – like discarded junk – outside of people’s attention, I am an old dotard with dripping saliva from my mouth, deaf and nearly paralyzed, I am fully concentrated on my practice, experience incredibly wonderful feelings and a fiery triumph.
*) Hedgehohhie: “it is sunny late autumn, transparent blue sky, frosty air, sunny freshness, piercing serenity. I lost all snouts a long time ago, they went into their Experiences, and I kept bugging with my distresses for months, years. But today I woke up with the knowledge that this was going to happen, that I came up close by. I am walking and there is a perception of rapidity as if I am carried by a flow and I am not walking, but running. This is a premonition-certainty that now victory is inevitable. I know that it will happen today and again I will see Bodh and the snouts, but already in the world of Experiences. This state eventuates, when I see the sunny autumn – like in Muktinatha – yellow autumn trees, the pathway is covered with large yellow leaves, a monastery garden, where we played snowballs. The fallen leaves, their rustling, steam from the mouth – every detail evokes triumph of victory inevitability”.
*) Hedgehohhie: “you are ready for irreversible changes. There is a presentiment of something still unknown. It seems that the whole world has stopped ready to pounce. I will not surrender. It is bound to happen, my certainty has never been so strong. I am confident there will be a breakthrough, not just a one-time splash of EPs”.
*) it resonates with the phrase “it has happened!” In an ordinary language “triumph” means PEs that are experienced when something has been accomplished. And what is “accomplished” in an ordinary language? It is “the end”. When the “Spartak” soccer team has won a match with TSCKA team, the game is finished, time to have a beer, satisfaction and then boredom. Life is finished. And what is a “triumph”-EP? What is “accomplished”? This is an explosion of creativity, enjoyment of continuous reproduction, of the journey, this is not an end, not a pause and not even an intermittent point.
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- · feeling of beauty
- · admiration
- · amiability
- · openness
- · submerging or «no borders” or penetration
- · commitment or gratitude
- · renunciation or devotion
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“Feeling of beauty”:
*) resonates intensively with delight, faithfulness, fondness.
*) resonates intensively with the perception of “no-boundaries” – there is a wish to dissolve and become an integral part of the universe, and this makes the enjoyment even stronger. It is accompanied with a sense of soft, but rapid detachment from the body and of floating lightness.
*) it is easy to differentiate “an aesthetic philosopher” that considers something to be beautiful from the one that experiences the feeling of beauty. The feeling of beauty is triggered by such perceptions that will not be even noticed by aesthetes. Aesthetes pretend that they admire with what is accepted to be admired, like pictures in the Tretyakov Gallery, the voice of the prima donna and so on. The feeling of beauty appears also, and first of all, due to humble phenomena, like a dew drop on a mushroom, delicately rough bark of an old birch, a contrast of bright red rowanberries on the background of dark green leaves, withering tufts of grass and so on. There are “advanced aesthetes” – you can frequently find them among photographers – it looks like they experience this feeling of beauty and see unnoticeable things, but you ask them – why did you take a photograph of this? Instead of the phrase “I was feeling fondness and affection towards this dry branch, I wanted to touch it, feel its warmth”, he will tell you a lot of technical terms, which means that he THINKS it is beautiful, but does not feel the beauty.
*) in the forest, at the sea and so on, one can experience a “symphony of beauty” – a whole spectrum of feelings of beauty that blend into one unendurable ecstatic fire. A resonating image – everything is entangled in a sparkling cobweb, emanating from the heart – every sway of a branch, a flying butterfly, a bit of a fluff – this thin cobweb responds to every motion with a sweet tension and eventuates with an unendurable enjoyment of the heart, and spreads all over the body like burning lava – powerfully and slowly.
*) Most often it happens when the feeling of beauty acquires an ecstatic quality, when there is a “symphony of enjoyments”, and it leads to a multiple resonance with other EPs – triumph, amazement, appeal, aspiration. If the splashes of beauty are triggered by contemplation of a certain object and are supported with a perception of what is perceived as “beautiful”, then admiration is already objectless and it achieves an ecstatic quality much faster than the feeling of beauty.
*) it resonates with the word “recognition” – as if you recognize this person after you have parted with him long ago, and now you are glad to see this person.
*) a fondness eventuates when there is a resonance of one of the perceptions, that I call “I apprehend this person”, with any of EPs, that I call “my EPs”.
*) intensive fondness resonates with the word “sweetness” – maybe because this word is often used with an erotic flavour, associated with the feeling of sweetness that is experienced [free from NEs at the moment] by those in love with each other. Nevertheless, “sweetness” can have this erotic flavour only if people that experience fondness, have also an erotic attraction towards each other.
*) Hedgehoggie: “you feel you are fond of somebody, when your thoughts of a person resonate with some EPs. I can think of different snouts and it triggers different EPs, like determination, fondness and so on. When the thought of the creature resonates with some EP that I know of, I have a perception of togetherness and a wish of this creature to have these EPs, a wish of actions aimed at revealing these EPs.
When the thoughts of that creature lead to triggering new EPs, admiration appears with attraction towards him, a wish to be like him. A strange recognition of these EPs appears regardless of recording that they are not known to me.
Fondness resonates with a wish that these EPs are revealed in other places.
An objectless fondness is one of the most attractive perceptions for me. It appears when EPs achieve the maximum intensity I am capable of, it eventuates in a wish of all creatures to be able to experience the same, a wish to do something for them to at least approach the EPs as close as possible, a wish to look for new snouts, to correspond with the beginners.
When I correspond with the beginners – I am a beginner myself, I experience the same as from the start of practicing – as if a new world is opening in front of me, all boundaries are being destroyed, I can do whatever I like and feel happy. When you feel for somebody, his every achievement – regardless if this is a beginner or a snout – there is a splash of joy, anticipation and seldom – ecstasy.
Fondness is being revealed as an attraction to a creature that wants to experience what I like experiencing, what I am attracted to. A wish of another person to eradicate NEs and experience EPs always resonates with a fondness to this person in this place.
When I feel fond of another creature, this person seems to be especially beautiful, although in another state I possibly could differentiate this creature as “not beautiful”. When this is an overweight creature, an interpretation as “fat” disappears and there is an interpretation of a light, plump small girl. Thus the fondness resonates with the feeling of beauty.
Fondness also resonates with a reasonless joyfulness, erotic attraction, childishness, amazement, delight, commitment, enjoyment from simple things.
Fondness resonates with “small” happy wishes – to play, to hug, write something, bring a fallen leaf or a cone from the forest, show a spider. But what is different with these wishes from mechanical wishes is that they do not have an ingredient to produce an impression or receive a positive evaluation – I just share my happiness and admiration.
Fondness often resonates with a wish to teach something. For example, explaining about your experiences in detail. It is different from the teaching something and never revisiting it again, as if this creature is interested, it will remember or ask. When I take care about somebody, I want to remind again and again and observe if everything is going the way I have explained.
When there is a fondness, there is openness and no concerns about opinions. There is no wish to hide anything or defend. There is a wish to explain again and again what is not clear, to share perceptions, to teach and to learn.
When there is a fondness, all other EPs become transparent, light and piercing. When there is no fondness, I am as if in a shell and cannot hear and see clearly, there is no chance of an affectionate touch. When there is a fondness, the shell is melting and a real naked world comes down on me, as if I was watching life on TV and suddenly went outside, into the forest.
Accompanying physical senses are like there are thin strings going from the armpits to the palms and this is why you want to feel and touch. There is a sense of a soft explosion in the chest. There is no need of any lasting and complicated motions, you can only touch and a flow appears that actually carries you away”.
*) Adji: a wish to be [with the one I am fond of] close, but invisible and voiceless, like the wind that from time to time that pounces and blows up her hair in this motion.
*) Fyord: “fondness emanates the sense of warmth in the body and a perception of golden light rising from the solar plexus up to the top of the head and then flows over through the eyes. This flow has golden branches that spread to other parts of the body”.
*) Fyord: “a fondness always starts from the sense of mild, solid and a tickling wave of heat, rising from the solar plexus up to the chest, throat and arms and finishes with a soft explosion – a splash of enjoyment in the chest, throat and fingertips”.
*) Fyord: “openness” resonates with a wish to permit those I feel fond of, observe your thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions; there is no wish to keep anything a secret; there are no concerns, just come and have a look.
It resonates with an image of a rock crystal (transparent and shining). There appears easiness, there is no burden that you hide something, you are happy just because you are so light, sparkling and transparent, and the one who is looking through you, does not see a shadow, because it does not exist. You are happy because everybody knows you. You are happy, because there are no obstacles for interaction with this creature: as if the wall that did not allow you to run forth and do something together with this creature, has fallen. You are happy because you are together with this creature as if allowing it to involve you and do not have any concerns about the consequences.
When there is openness, all perceptions in this place are breaking out with transparency. The word “purification” fits here best. Crystal clearness – thin, piercing up to tears, it is amazing – what a huge world! And so fragile: it seems you touch it and it will ding. When there is an ecstatic form of openness, it is impossible to endure it, you want to cry. There is a thought: “it is impossible to comprehend this world, you can only be delighted with it, be in it, and your motions should be very careful, otherwise it will ding intolerably”.
*) If fondness can be accompanied with a differentiation of yourself as a superior creature relating to the creature you are fond of (e.g. in case of fondness towards a tree), then in the case of “openness” this is impossible – there is no differentiation of yourself as a superior and of the other creature as an inferior.
“Submerging” or “no boundaries” or penetration:
*) Skvo: “at first there is an enlightened background – aspiration, anticipation, feeling of beauty, pleasure are revealed in a weak form. When I am looking at a tree, a fire, a river, the sky, there appears a sense of attraction, which is accompanied with intensifying fondness and a feeling of beauty. You want to be motionless, look and give in to this attraction. Then for about a second to 5 seconds there appears a feeling that the tree or the fire (or whatever I am looking at and feel fond of) is in this place, in the region of the chest, the belly and the throat. This is not a sense of exactly of the tree or the fire, this is a sense of some form, the touch of which is accompanied with the sense of increasing and spreading enjoyment. When a boy’s penis is in the pussy and there is a variation of pleasant senses, these senses do not identify the form of the penis, there are even no senses that this is somebody’s penis and it does not have my senses, but at the same time there is a sense of togetherness with it. It is the same with the tree and the sky. Visual perceptions are as previous, at the place of the body there appears the sense of a soft orgasm, which develops acuteness and is accompanied with an intensifying feeling of beauty, delight and joy. The sense of the soft orgasm expands, it starts from the volume of 40cm in diameter in the upper part of the body and grows up to a meter, and there appears a sense of submerging-blending-expanding. All creatures I am looking at are always perceived at such moments as alive, akin, beautiful, sensitive, mysterious and very “easy” at the same time. There is no differentiation between close-far. No goals. There is only the now and the fullness of this “now” hits by waves of joy in the chest, throat, belly and expands with enjoyment. When I experience this perception, investigation is not the analysis or the comparison, it is just submerging in what I want to investigate. This investigation has no thoughts”.
*) Hedgehoggie: “in the ordinary life I am sure that my life is limited and I know what I am going to experience today or in a year. In this state I pass by the trees thinking of them as “trees”. They exist on their own, I am on my own. In the state of “no boundaries” I see – there are so many creatures around! – not-the-trees, not-the-clouds, not-the-creek, not-the-ground. The thought: “all is possible”.
*) Seagull: “I was busy with the practice of recurring attention with my eyes closed, and at a certain moment there appeared lightness all over my body, I was filled with happy hypostasis. Then my body disappeared for a few moments – I did not exist! There was nothing in my place. I perceived the wind and sounds of a lake, but not with my ears, the wind and the lake were just there. The word “emptiness” resonates – there was a consistent emptiness in this place, as if there was no body, no thoughts, no wishes, no emotions, but just the perception of the lake sounds and of the breeze. The state was integral, no thoughts of “I”. I was attracted to nowhere, nothing was tearing at me, or concerned me, or was inflicted on me – there was no “me”. Then, when thoughts appeared again, there still was a perception of lightness, like a ball filled with helium, and it was ready to launch. There were the senses of strong twisting and itching in the region of my button belly, all of the body was as if sparkling, shimmering, it was a very pleasant sensation all over”.
*) Fyord: “the notion of “I” stops being localized or something definite in the frame of the known. You are absolutely sure that “I” am both the sea, the sky, the forest, a stick at your feet, and the wind gusts”.
*) The loss “I” localization can be accompanied with physical senses outside of the visual borders of the body, like not inside your arm or leg, but… at the top of a tree! – and the mind stops in amazement at such a phenomenon, the thoughts freeze, and the former picture of your world that seemed to be so unshakable, starts changing and it also brings the same intellectual enjoyment, as while solving a beautiful chess problem.
*) Adji: the difference between “kinship” (“openness”) and “unity” (“no boundaries”): kinship resonates with the thought “we both can experience EPs”, while unity resonates with the thought “we are one and the same”.
*) She-ite: This EP appears when you are looking at the faces of the earth (animals, plants, rocks, lakes and so on), touch them, and it resonates with a hw to hug with them, play, roll, feel them, touch with all of the body. There is a very strong resonating with the feeling of beauty, fondness, openness and delight (this is the reason why it is so difficult to differentiate this EP from the above mentioned). Enjoyment appears at any contact, both visual and bodily. Resonating thoughts: “my body is limiting me, I want to feel this river fully, to hug it, feel all of it, penetrate into it in some special way, blend with it and dissolve in it.” Hence the word “penetration” seems to be the most resonating with this EP.
“Commitment” or “Gratitude”
*) EFa: I am an old monk, and all my life and energy I give to educating small lamas – I teach them all I know and can do. They will grasp it all very quickly and go to the senior lamas to carry on with their training, and I will teach new kids, and this will go on until I pass away. I feel the triumph at the thought that my line of training continues. I feel the triumph at the thought that due to having my pupils, I can experience commitment and it is manifested in my teaching and thus I consolidate EPs in this place.
*) EF: I am a small Tibetan boy, a monk, the reincarnation of the great Lama. I was placed to the monastery, where the old monks, who were committed to it, took care of my training-remembering. I know that I will master it very quickly and move onto another monastery, where other, wiser monks will take care of me, and so on, until I get to the front line of my development where my previous life ceased. I will aspire further in my journey, and towards those, who committed themselves to help me achieve this border as fast as possible, I experience EPs, resonating with the words “commitment” and “gratitude”. This feeling does not include any ingredients of superiority or sentimentalism, it has the triumph of a unique goal, unique aspiration, that embraces all practitioners regardless of how close they are to continuous EPs. When I study, I want to dedicate all my energy to it, be sincere as much as possible, so these creatures can make all the necessary impact on me and share their knowledge and experience.
*) EFa: I dedicate all my energy and time to communication with other practitioners, sharing my experience and explaining what I can. I wish them to adopt EPs that are revealed in this place.
*) Fyord: “it is accompanied with fondness and delight to the manifestations of a creature that aspires to EPs. There appears a sense of strong heat emanating from the chest, like an amber fire ball”.
“Renunciation” or “Devotion”:
*) a resonating thought: I do not need anything for myself, I want to give everything to those I love – all that is possible to give. There appears an intensive wish to give away everything, discard, have nothing for yourself – neither property, nor goals, wishes, not even feelings and a line of work that is aimed at “my” enlightenment, if this “my” enlightenment does not imply using your enlightened qualities to assist other creatures that endeavor to it.
*) It appears, when the feeling of fondness and gratitude is above the scale.
*) It resonates with detachment.
*) Hedgehoggie: “intensive devotion is accompanied with a strange confidence, and this is not a confidence in something, but an objectless certainty, inviolacy, an unshakable certainty, an absence of doubts and fuss”.
*) Hedgehoggie: “intensive devotion resonates with “anticipation-not-for-yourself” – I imagine that there will be many snouts and I will have a strong, uncompromising and ecstatic happy wish to give them all my energy and time to teach them – I won’t even have time for my practice, for my discoveries; I will have nothing, and everything will be there”.
*) Fyord: “it resonates with the perception “no boundaries”.
*) Fyord: “this is an apprehension of myself and of another creature that I feel devotion to as of one and the whole. The sunset sky can have different colours, but this is one and the same sky”. The following Ramakrishna’s image resonates: “a branch floating in the river “divides” it on two parts, but this is one river”.
*) Fyord: “an amazing effect appears together with the happy wishes when you experience devotion – there is no differentiation between “my” and “his”.
*) A cease of differentiation between happy wishes as “my” and “his” is even more amazing, because “my wishes” have always been an integral part of personal sovereignty, and no matter how close the two creatures are, there is always a very distinct differentiation between my wishes and his wishes. More than that, a thorough differentiation of wishes is a necessary condition of their further development and of EPs development. When there is devotion, the capability to differentiate becomes even better than usually, the boundaries between my wishes and your wishes just disappear. It means, that if the creature that you feel devotion to, has a happy wish and tells you about it, realizes it, you start feeling about this wish absolutely as “yours” (it is necessary to note here, it does not mean that you will automatically want to realize that wish. This is why in spite of an expanding spectrum of your wishes the priorities in realization can stay as previously, or change just partially. Thus a “mutual practice” can take place – an amazing branch in the practice of direct path).
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Sector of Existence:
- · “no need for anything”, “end of worries”
- · detachment
- · strength
- · seriousness
- · indestructibility
- · freshness
- · serenity
- · electricity
- · silence
- · anesthesia
- · body stiffening and hardening
- · fullness
- · vacuum in the chest
- · solidity
- · peeled skin
- · willpower output
- · enjoyment wave
- · sphere of emptiness, medium
- · sphere of emptiness, small
- · sphere of emptiness, large
- · chakras
(all these physical senses are so far just amassed in a pile, without sorting)
- · amber
- · golden radiance in the blue sky
- · abstract structure of events
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
“No need for anything”, “end of the worries”:
*) The image: in a far off mountainous village a family is sitting at the fireplace and singing – both old women and little girls. The old woman is 80, she knows she soon will pass away, she has no needs for anything anymore, she is not worried about anything, she will die and life will continue without her, she cannot change anything as she can only wait for her death to come.
*) Hedgehoggie: an empty house, soft music can be heard, a door is creaking from not-a-breeze. This is how it has been for hundreds of years and this is how it will be for hundreds of years.
*) time finished
*) characteristic peculiarity of this EP is an association with all that is transient. The thoughts that include the words “hundreds of years”, “this is how it will always be” resonate with this EP, as well as the opposite images as the above depicted image of an old woman that knows that she will pass away soon and her time has finished. In these images “time has finished” due to their either extremely small or large scale.
*) Lizard: inalterability, there are even no seasons of the year, everything here is always the same, there is no time, no motion.
*) Lizard: “an old woman is sleeping in an enclosed platform of an Indian train. She is sleeping on the floor, wrapped in a pink sari. Dirt, night breeze from an open door, small paws, skinny ankles, and dark wrinkled arms with cheap bangles – everything about her evokes fondness. There is a wish to hug her paws, to pat her. Later she is sitting with a light smile on her face, looking at people passing by. Nobody notices her, she is nobody for people, she is nothing else than the litter she is sitting on. There is childish mindlessness in her eyes, curiosity, she has nothing to be afraid of, nothing to pursue, she is too old and poor. When she got up, it caused one more splash of affection – she was so small, thin and slim, like a dry blade of grass, you want to keep looking at her. She emanates something very appealing for me, I cannot call it strength, as strength is associated with something well manifested. As for this old woman – it is as if she does not exist, but still she evokes affection, carelessness, and you do not feel attached. I could imagine her being a warrior that has chosen this kind of life for practicing”.
*) Skvo: “when detachment eventuates, the personal perceptions are perceived as clothes – meaning you can put them on or take them off”.
*) Vivekananda: when a man realizes that life is everlasting, he will sit at a river, deep in contemplation, always ready to give away his body as a meaningless object, just as you would be ready to give away a straw you don’t need. This is a source of their courage, their heroism – in the readiness to meet death as a brother, because they are sure that death does not exist for them. This is the source of their power, which made them invincible.
*) Tibetan flag, waving in the breeze.
*) it resonates with the medium sphere of emptiness.
*) an image: as if there is a hollow pipe made of thin film. It is physical, solid, but when you peel it off, a layer after a layer (which means perceptions in this spot), and take off the last layer, you find nothing.
*) Hedgehohhie: there is not even one creature that I could say is close to me. No recollection of anyone that has ever been close. Not a thought that the existence of such a creature is possible. Not even a wish of such a creature. (at the same time of course, there is no detachment, alienation, this is why this seeming paradox is possible – an intensive resonance of detachment with fondness and devotion. It is a paradox only because the phrase “there is nobody close to me” is steadily associated for a distressed person with NE-loneliness and SP).
*) detachment and devotion resonate with each other and they can reveal simultaneously and with the same intensity or alter each other, as if a yacht rolls on the waves and runs to the horizon under the powerful sails.
*) Fluffy Monkey: “it resonates with the words “happy solitude” – an image of a long endless road, and the only thing you want is to look forward and go without stopping. I have clarity of my own path, I have a happy wish to advance on it, applying an effort after effort and achieve my goal. I know exactly there is nobody else on it. All other people are perceived as in a dream, as something not existing in this world. There is only the path. There are no events of ordinary life here, they are not significant, and the attitude towards them is like to the dreams in wakefulness. There is motivation, aspiration. Every step is a pleasure and happiness. Every step is firm, confident and cheerful. It is impossible to feel tired. There are no thoughts of the future and what I am coming to. I enjoy here and now because I am on the way. I anticipate mystery and something unknown. There is confidence that Bodhi and Hedgehoggie are on their paths, also on their own and their paths will never cross. When I am thinking about it, I feel a happy wish to keep going. When there is a happy solitude, there is also persistence – a happy wish to struggle, to make effort regardless of circumstances. I am sure that nothing will lead me astray, I am ready for any obstacles, I am ready to overpower them , I see my goal and I will achieve it no matter what, nothing will stop me or be mislead. Whatever the circumstances, I will keep going my way”.
*) Fluffy Monkey: “all snouts left. I am on my own. Nobody will write to me, nobody will attract my attention to distresses, nobody will affect me. I am alone in the middle of my path – without baggage, pen and note-book, without snouts and Bo. What is left for me is to go on”.
*) Hedgehoggie: “there is a perception of boundless invincible physical strength. As if I can break a rock, tolerate intolerable, walk on broken glass – my body is invulnerable. It is accompanied with the confidence that I can be a leader and I enjoy the thought that I can be a leader. There is no FSI ingredient in it. Just a wish to be a leader and the image of a leader intensively resonates with the perception of this Strength that I have nothing and nowhere to “spend on”. It seems like there are no limits to the possibilities of my body. It is perceived as indestructible, invincible and nearly everlasting”.
*) As if everything is filled with the morning chill, pierced with the freshness that you experience early in the morning when you get out of the tent and look at the golden peaks of the mountains.
*) Fyord: “it is accompanied with a sense of frosty March air on your face and in your lungs. There appears a wish to inhale deeply.
*) This seriousness has nothing to do with concerns and gloominess. It is compatible with a smile, fun, playfulness, affection, devotion and so on. What it is incompatible with, is a meek and easy attitude towards insincerity and your distresses.
*) Resonating thought: “I have nobody to rely on”. When a practitioner stays one on one with the surrounding world, when there is nobody next to you to “insure” you, to point out your insincerity or another distress, in these circumstances it becomes especially clear – if you are insincere, nobody will attract your attention to it and assist you. Your life is fully in your hands. You have nobody to rely on.
*) The more discoveries, the brighter the seriousness is.
*) absolute invulnerability – because what is not existing cannot be destructed.
*) resonating phrase: “life has no beginning and no end”.
*) there is no support, nothing – it is not present, not absent, the notion of “support” looses any meaning, and accordingly, there are no concerns related to its presence or absence. There is nothing to cling to, nothing to protect, because whatever is possible to possess or lose has no significance.
*) resonating phrase – “there is nothing ahead”. Absolute concentration on the “here-and-now”, on EPs, complete freedom from NB resonate with the words “complete trust”, “indestructible support”, “indestructible serenity”. From the logical point of view there is a contradiction between “there is nothing ahead” and “anticipation”, but these phrases are not the elements of rationality. These are the phrases, resonating with EPs, and this is why I can simultaneously both say these phrases and experience indestructibility and anticipation.
*) resonating thoughts: “this is the only way it can be”, “it is always this way”.
*) it resonates with the medium sphere of emptiness.
*) Fyord: “it resonates with an image of a huge rock. In the soles there appears a sense of solid surface”.
“Vacuum in the Chest”:
*) the region of senses: in the region of the chest, a diameter about 30 cm and approximately 10 – 15 cm deep.
*) characteristics of senses: as if the air has been pumped out and it created a vacuum. There is a feeling of pressing and slapping.
*) accompanying senses: firmness in the same spot, in the throat, sometimes – nausea, altering pressure in the head, willpower output.
“Sphere of emptiness, medium”:
*) region of senses: spherical space around the visual borders of the body with the center approximately in the middle of the chest, diameter 1 – 2 m, quite well revealed. The first experiences are characterized with not a clear form, it can be perceived as formless or as only front part of the sphere.
*) character of senses: the inside space of the sphere is filled with extremely fine vibration, which creates the effect of fullness and firmness. The senses are highly distinctive, you can talk, move and at the same time experience it continuously. Too intensive movements wash out this experience. The feeling of filled sphere can become even more distinct, then the ordinary bodily senses, which can be toned down or even disappear either partially or completely.
“Sphere of emptiness, small”:
*) region of senses: a ball with a diameter of about 5 cm, is revealed within the visual borders of the body.
*) senses characteristics: resonating descriptions: “endlessly firm”, “inextinguishable”, “indestructible firmness”.
*) For some time the body surface becomes extra sensitive, as if the skin is peeled off. Any, even the smallest touch causes very intensive senses. It is accompanied with a specific fatigue in the muscles and the bones. It is not painful, it resonates with EPs, but it is a bit tiring. It happens after long and intensive EPs and it is an element of the body transformation.
*) region of senses – a ball around the belly-button, diameter 10-20 cm, and the senses are the same as inside and outside of the visual borders of the body.
*) character of senses: breaking, as if something wants to break free from the inside to the outside.
*) accompanying senses:
–а) vibration in the above mentioned region, it can be different: the frequency can vary from 10 to 50 vibrations per second, the amplitude can vary from weak to very strong that causes even the vibration of prelum muscles. One can easily feel it, putting a hand on the belly.
–b) “firmness” in the throat, chest and forehead,
–c) “anesthesia” in the upper part of the body.
“Wave of enjoyment”:
*) The wave of enjoyment with a strong feeling of “shivers” over the body starts somewhere in solar plexus and expands on the back with the epicenter at the spine, continues to the neck and higher. The feeling of enjoyment resonates with springy straightening of the back, the head is a little turned back, shoulders spread – these movements intensify the enjoyment up to ecstatic quality.
*) Soft light of sunrays through the clouds, a fluffy, tender light in the pine and spruce forest, as if the source of light is not solo, but is emitted from everywhere.
*) Sunny summer morning cleaves through the closed drapes, all the objects in the room gleam softly, and not only the objects, but also perceptions are lit with this gleam – the wishes, actions, thoughts – everything is emitting the light of soft amber; there are no concerns in this world, there is only childhood, summer and the joy of simple things.
“Golden shining in the blue sky”:
*) A piercing blue space cleaves through the entire visual world, as if the sky is everywhere, right here it is penetrated with the smallest golden sparkles flying from everywhere.
*) muffling and detachment of sounds, special clarity, firmness, dimension of perceptions, ability to control chaotic distractions
*) Fyord: “it resonates with an image of a permanently working TV with its background sounds, and suddenly it was turned off. Silence. It is accompanied with enjoyment and the sense of being softly enwrapped, like water envelops a stone. It resonates with the phrase “halt of the world” and is perceived as an absence of motion and time. As if through all of my life I have been placed in the center of a whirlwind and was observing the frenzy air rotation around me and suddenly this rotation disappeared without a trace and everything became still. It is accompanied with a feeling of lightness in the body and freshness. It resonates with a feeling of beauty and piercing clarity.
*) This is a state, when “silence” becomes dominant, as if it is stepping forward and firmly moves back the images, sounds and feelings. As if the world became motionless, and you are in the center of a cyclone. There appears an illusion of being “frozen”, of muffling your feelings.
“Body stiffening and hardening”:
*) This is a continuation of the line “silence” and “anesthesia”. As if the body is manacled, being captured with a flow of firmness and it hardens. There is a wish to freeze and stay motionless.
“Abstract structure of events”:
*) It is revealed in the process of re-living the events that made a significant impact on my life. Not the events that “must” seem to be “important” in accordance with concepts and mechanical preferences, but the events that have interlaced something inexpressible, as if in deep silence this something unnoticeably and irreversible has changed me from that moment and forever. “Re-living” is an extremely detailed recollection +eradication of all NEs, as if I again live in that part of my life, but this time the escorting NEs of that period are absent.
*) Resonating phrase: “perception of what is behind the circumstances, what determines them and fills with the content”.
*) It is accompanied with the detachment, willpower output, sphere of emptiness, determination, anticipation, trust.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Sector of Blissfullness:
- · joy or “quiet happiness”
- · joy from simple things, joy without a reason
- · delight
- · pleasure (or enjoyment)
- · blissfulness
- · ecstasy
- · atman
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
“Joy” or “quiet happiness”:
*) resonating image: a floppy-eared yard dog with a wet nose, playful eyes is running around the yard, slightly biting and half-barking, suddenly it stops, the sides are heaving, dribbling from the tongue, and again it restarts.
*) resonates with the behaviour, that snouts call “beastlyjoyfulness”. An example of this behavioural description: “we started crazy play fighting, roaring, biting, falling and sprawling, she was a real beast in this game, squealing, roaring, laughing, and there were moments when the negative background completely disappeared, there was an absolute openness to this creature and the full engrossment in this game. She was fully absorbed in this game and it was obvious that she did care how she looked while playing, being committed and absorbed with happy joy of freaking out. As if both of us have caught the surf and the wave carried us, resonating with my happy wishes and vice versa”.
*) Agava: “the burden has fallen off and I am breathing with fully expanded chest. All is easy! Carefree child’s laughter. In the flight of the walk you don’t feel the body, only the touch of the road that caresses your soles, respond with waves of pleasure in the back and the arms”.
“Joy of simple things”, “Joy without a reason”:
*) anything and everything, that is within your attention, is the source of joy, especially when there are people experiencing EPs and “nature” as we call it.
*) a thought: this is so delightful that this rock exists!
*) Agava: “when you are looking from a high bank at the sky-river, it takes your breath away”.
*) it is easy, quiet and transparent
*) resonating image: faintly visible cloud of the finest water particles is being formed. Only a rainbow and piercing freshness when inhaling prove that it is there.
*) it resonates with the word “enjoyment”, but to avoid confusion of terms, I will use the word “enjoyment” mainly for senses.
*) Vanessa: “it resonates with the image of a small stream that is choosing its way through the forest among the roots”. It is possible that this resonance appears because the process for the search of the actions which brings pleasure, reminds very much of the flow of the stream, making its way among the branches, tussocks and roots”.
*) it is soft and thick, but when it is intensive – then it is powerful and dissolving all in its way.
*) When blissfulness achieves a certain intensity (according to the definition I designate this level equal to 8), it acquires the quality that resonates with the words “intolerably good”, and I call this EP “ecstasy”.
*) When a certain level of intensity is achieved (according to the definition that is equal to 7 – 8), the state of ecstasy acquires a quality that resonates with the word “viscous”, and I call such a form of ecstasy “viscous ecstasy”. Its characteristic difference from an ordinary ecstasy consists in the fact that absolutely any perception (even the one that would be painful, unpleasant or tiring, if outside of EPs) only increases the splashes of ecstasy.
*) An ecstatic form of blissfulness differs from “ecstasy” – a confusion of terms is possible here (especially for theoreticians, though I do not care about their difficulties, as I am interested only in the practitioners, not theoreticians), but I admit it, because this EP radiantly resonates with the word “ecstasy”. The difference is in the quality, an “ecstatic form of blissfulness” resonates with the word “triumph”, “stability”.
*) There are three centers where the ecstasy manifests – this is the center of the throat, of the upper part of the chest and the heart. Started simultaneously, all three centers bring the ecstasy of intolerable quality and it spreads all over the body and outside the body, awaken physical senses and outbreaks “Atman”.
*) From Hedgehoggie’s diary: “I woke up from the feeling of ecstasy. It was in the throat, a spot a bit lower from the middle, I do not remember distinctly. There was a peculiarity: in the spot the ecstasy was so unbearably intense, that seemed to be impossible, and all over the body it was of medium intensity in comparison with that spot’s intensity and seemed to be unbearable in comparison with what I had experienced earlier.
Before, when I experienced ecstasy in the throat, it was weaker further from the throat, and gradually faded. I could approximately show its borders, now the ecstasy was all over, even in my paws it was as strong as in the chest. Again there was an image of a lamp, emitting instant and even light, and no obstacles for this light.
When I woke up, this experience only started. When it burst out, the body became lighter by two thirds, boundaries disappeared and there appeared fragments from the medium sphere of emptiness. The sphere was not distinct, but there was something developing around. I do not remember how long it lasted. I remember that my state of ecstasy decreased a few times, but I made effort and it returned. Then I fell asleep.
I also remembered that Bo was telling us that it was necessary to start the triangle of ecstasy, and then it brings atman. This is not even a triangle, just the fragments, can really such perceptions be?”
*) associated with a physical sense: “oblong, size of the little finger, in the heart”.
*) the resonating phrases are: “an utterless blissfulness”, “beyond any possible enjoyment”, “beyond anything probable”.
*) shining golden threads flow in all directions inside and outside of the body. There are no boundaries.
*) Hedgehoggie: “at night I was woken by a sharp sense of an unimaginable enjoyment in my heart, it took away my breath, and the spot of enjoyment became a small rock of firmness with this inexpressible blissfulness. Next moment all of the body radiated with blissfulness, as if I am a lamp that sparkles with different shades of intolerable blissfulness. Sometimes it happens that the sense is spreading over the body like something viscous, as if something is obstructing and I can track where it is strong, where it is weak. But this time there was no gradual spreading, it just broke out all over, evenly, like the light of a lamp and started sparkling with various shades of blissfulness.
The hard rock in the heart became such a concentration of ecstasy that it seemed I could die from it. Is it Atman? Immediately skeptic thoughts appeared – it cannot happen to me. The perception started fading. Then I generated renunciation – I do not want it for myself, I want to give it away to Fyord, I will grow this rock and give it to Fyord. The perception increased immediately and there appeared a feeling that resonates with the words “I don’t want EPs for myself, I don’t want to put up with the absence of others and going away into a cave for generating EPs. I want EPs for being in other places and I will struggle for those creatures”.
At the moment I do not experience that perception, I only repeat the words that I approximately remember, but I do not experience them. I only remember that renunciation resonates with “atman” radiantly.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Sector of Clarity:
- · Shadows performance
- · Absence of “I”
- · All are sleeping
Here all perceptions will be also outlined without classification.
Once again I emphasize: clarity is an independent EP. When we describe it, we use images and words, but clarity is not images and words (see 02-01-10).
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
General qualities of “Clarity”:
*) Fyord: “After I read the analysis of my records, made by Bo, I experienced clarity – 10 and joyfulness. I had a perception of myself as a crystal ball that emanates clear cold white light in all directions. It was accompanied with the feeling of lightness and freshness. Then a strong feeling of beauty appeared and a silent admiration with the beauty of clarity: the clarity was experienced as a stunning and lovely creature. I wanted to stay motionless, hold my breath and contemplate the beauty of clarity. Then the intensity of the feeling of beauty decreased to 6 and stayed in the background for a few hours. I acquired the clarity that the feeling of beauty and clarity always reveal together, I just didn’t notice it before”.
*) it is a rapid decrease practically to zero of the significance of what is happening in the world of distressed people. Earlier the events seemed to be “important”, “real” and now they retreated to the background, as if some dull blurred shadows are flickering somewhere afar and there is nothing in those perceptions that can cause NEs for me. At the front line there is admiration, anticipation, aspiration, blissfulness and so on.
*) Fyord: “often there appears an image of a distant wall of a cave that is slightly lighted with a weak reddish fire, and blurry hardly seen shadows are reflected on that wall. It resonates with clarity of attachments absurdity. It resonates with the “here and now”.
*) Fyord: “resonates with the physical sense of a solid inner core with a diameter approximately like a half a diameter of the body”.
“Absence of “I”:
*) resonates with a thought: “it is impossible to shift on anybody eradication of distresses. Only the effort revealed in this spot, and nothing else, can generate EPs in this place. There are only those perceptions, that do not contain the perception of “I” or “you”.
*) *) it resonates with a happy solitude and absolute self-sufficiency.
“All are sleeping”:
*) suddenly it becomes clear that all people around us are sleeping or even dead, they are lifeless, they are just mechanisms, and only sometimes something alive flashes.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
06-02-02 List and resonating descriptions of EPs qualities
“Fullness” or “feeling of fullness” – is a perception that appears and intensifies when a person experiences EPs, reveals his hws and makes the effort in the practice of achieving EPs and eradication of distresses. The phrase “life is full to the brim”.
Unlike fullness, “satiation” is a perception caused by NEs, PEs, as a result of experiencing and realizing mechanical wishes and other distresses. Regardless of how intensive the feeling of satiation is, it never brings “fullness”, there always remains a sick state, which can be described with the words “as if everything falls through a bottomless pit”, “nothing makes me happy” or “all is in vain”. The usual mistake of people that try to escape dullness, boredom, apathy and other NEs is to cover it with impressions, which means to increase satiation, while the only way is to increase the feeling of fullness.
List of EPs and their resonating descriptions:
“concentration” or “saturation” or “density” or “thickness”
“depth” or “symphony” or “spectrum wideness” or “richness of undertones”
“all-encompassing”, “piercing capability”
“massiveness” (an attribute of EFs)
“freshness” (more common for ecstatic EPs):
EPs qualities can also be described with the method of resonance:
*) Hedgehoggie: “It resonates with an image of crystal clear water, of an impetuous, but absolutely transparent stream”.
*) A resonating image of a person experiencing any EP in an ecstatic form: a whole pride of tigers is making its way to the tops of the hills, every one to a separate hill, and all of them will meet the sunrise together. One of the tigers is already on the hill, he is sitting with his tongue out, waiting for the sunrise that is coming inevitably, when other tigers will reach their peaks (which means when other EPs in this place will achieve an ecstatic quality).
*) Intensive ecstasy is accompanied with tears. Strong NEs also cause tears, but the difference between the states is immense, though a person that knows nothing of EPs, will not catch this difference.
Tears have always been the sign of NEs, e.g. SP, this is why there may appear some doubts if there are some ingredients of SP, but after investigating the perceptions you come to the conclusion – there is none of SP in such an intensive EP. As if some wave goes up from your chest and tears appear. Ramakrishna said, that if just remembering somebody you feel devotion to, causes tears, it means you do not have to conduct your formal practices, and the wish of them also disappears, because such an intensive EP is already capable to generate other EPs without the support of formal practices. Chaotic distractions become so weak, that they do not interfere with the concentration on EPs and their avalanche-like intensifying.
Maybe this is why one of the most widely spread errors is that tears mean some strong pity, because when not knowing people were observing from an outside point of view manifestations of EPs in a person and saw his intensive and lasting tears, they mistakenly made conclusions that the person experienced something like strong pity. Hence the cult of pity in many religions (for example, in Christianity and in Christian interpretation of Buddhism pity is presented under an “honorable” notion of “compassion”. They ignore that in Buddhism “compassion” means EP, to be exact – an ecstatic happy wish of other creatures to be free from distresses and experience EPs).
There is a very significant physiological difference between tears caused by eEPs and NEs:
а) Tears from eEPs can run down for a while and be quite intensive, but there is no physiological exinanition neither during nor after like from NEs, but vice versa – as if you acquire new vital energy and more grand masses of ecstasy and EPs.
b) even after lasting tears from eEPs the face is not swollen, and if it is, it’s not for long, it disappears in a few minutes, and nobody will ever guess that this person has just been crying for two hours without stopping, on the contrary, the face is absolutely fresh.
c) Fyord: “during eEPs breathing is accompanied with a sense of enjoyment, stronger sense at exhale than at inhale”. If the tears are caused by strong NEs, different ailing physical senses appear in the body with consequent transgressing into illness.
*) Ecstasy is accompanied with rapid intensifying of sincerity. You actually physically feel how falseness and insincerity pour out together with the tears. There appears an effect of an utmost purification. Piercing capability of EPs escalate rapidly. (And of course, nothing of the kind happens while in tears from NEs. They cause only powerful NB, exhaustion, dullness, SP and a wish of satisfaction).
*) Hedgehoggie: “suddenly a perception appeared, as if a dam had broken through. Anticipation intensified rapidly, it flared up, and what followed I nearly did not differentiate. There was the maximum ecstasy that was possible for me. It lasted for about maybe two minutes. It seemed to me I would not be able to stop it even if I wanted to. This was it, it broke out and all that was left for me was only to experience. There was no personality in this place. The body seemed to be a vessel that contained Something. Earlier I called this perception as a powerful flow of ecstasy, a powerful indestructible flow. When I experience it, I practically cannot control my body. And again it has the same quality – it cannot be a short splash – if it breaks out, it lasts long and is stable, I cannot be distracted, even if I try to be.
After it there is stupor, my hands tremble, the body is slightly wobbly, and at the thought of this perception there is a burning feeling in the chest. There is detachment, as if everything became insignificant and stopped existing. There is a certain something that I cannot depict after it disappears. When it decreases, it seems to me, this time I will be able to depict it in detail, but while I am writing, I forget everything except “powerful, unbearable, broke out”.
I also have an indistinct memory of a wish to go into it fully. Now I remember it as a dizzy dream. There was a perception of a powerful flow, as something very close that you wanted to go into and never return.
There was an image – I could go right now. There was readiness – 10 to leave and no ties. There was something there, which was irresistible, I already did not exist, there existed only this burning, unbearable blissfulness that was being attracted to something even more unbearable”.
*) I will refer to the eEPs also the “desperation” that sometimes appears when EPs are missing. The word “desperation” is usually used to describe strong NEs and in the word combinations as “desperate aspiration” to express an extreme degree of determination. I will use this word exactly with this meaning “an extreme degree of determination, of impossibility to live as before”. Fyord: “there was such a strong desperation because of no EPs that I wanted to break down the walls of the house. There was a perception of myself as a tiger that struck the bars of the cage with his paws, the bars bent, but did not break”.
“Concentration” or “saturation” or “density” or “consistency”:
*) EPs can be intermittent, like fragmented clouds or dense and consistent – these words resonate with this quality precisely and indicate it.
*) A resonating story from Mahabharata:
“Let both of you go with me” – Drona said. They left the palace. “Look over there. I have secured a target”, – he told. “Over there, on the top of the tree there is a clay pigeon with a red spot on the neck. Dooryodhana, raise your bow and aim. Dooryodhana did it.
– “Look at the pigeon. What do you see?”
– “I see a pigeon”.
– “Where is the pigeon?”
– “It is sitting on a branch”.
– “Do you see anything else on the branch?”
– “Yes, there are some fruit next to it”.
– “What is the pigeon doing?”
– “It is just sitting there”.
– “Do you see all this?”
– “Yes, I do”
– “Take the arrow from the bow”.
Dooryodhana was puzzled: “Why? I can shoot, Teacher.”
– “No, just let it go”. And he called Ardjun: “Be ready, take aim”.
– “I am ready”.
– “Do you see the branch?”
– “No, I do not, Teacher”.
– “Do you see the pigeon?”
– “No, I do not, Teacher”.
– “What do you see?”
– “I see only the red target”.
“Depth”, or “symphony”, or “spectrum width”, or “richness of undertones”:
*) EPs, in the process of their development, start being revealed not in singular separate splashes but as a whole spectrum.
Quotation from a diary: “I had a walk in the forest – the bright sun, spring is coming and everything is actively melting. Suddenly I noticed that when I step in a small stream, I experience quite a noticeable splash of EPs. I started “listening into it”, there appeared clarity that it intensively resonated with the words “enjoyment”, “admiration”. I experienced it very intensively – sometimes at 10.
Suddenly I discovered that I enjoyed many various perceptions, like contemplating the bark of a tree, the sound of rustling of dry twigs. I took one small dry pine twig, broke it into a few pieces and enjoyed the sound of their crackling in my hands. Squawking of the birds, sight of the stream surface, of a pine branch, feeling of spongy moist moss under my feet, wet grass… all so much of this, and everything evokes enjoyment of different undertones.
I discovered that when EPs are revealing in a wide spectrum, it adds stability to them, I can experience them for long periods and intensively, which also brings closer their ecstatic form and resonates (another resonating word “flares up”) with other EPs of a higher line. While I was observing and investigating this phenomenon, I discovered one more EP that revealed in a wide spectrum – happy wishes. Suddenly there became lots of them and it flared up the aspiration. I recorded that enjoyment of a wide spectrum lit up blissfulness, whereas a wide spectrum of joyfulness ignited delight.
When I was in a forest (or mountains, or sea) I often experienced a strong EP, but I did not manage to describe or record it. As soon as I started depicting it, it was some nonsense, nothing definite, a mixture that was missing something very significant. In the end I understood exactly what I was experiencing and understood why I could not depict it. An appropriate term is – “a symphony of enjoyment”. There appear various EPs of a wide spectrum – the spectrum of the enjoyment undertones was expanded with the spectrum of the beauty undertones, then the joyfulness undertones and so on. This is why I couldn’t make a precise description, because I was looking for something specific while it consisted of a lot of components which were altering in accordance with my prevailing perceptions of the moment, whether they were visual, audio or any other. “Symphony of enjoyments” is experienced like a shock impact, like submerging and choking, like inebriating exuberance.
*) Quotation from Hedgehoggie: “as soon as I imagine the forest or happen to be there, every small object evokes a splash of that perception which I thought to be an affection, but if I call it “an enjoyment”, it also resonates. I feel unbearably well from every minute thing”.
*) Other resonating words for designating this quality are brightness, strength, power.
*) Other resonating words for designating this quality are piercing capability, pitch of the tone, sincerity, pureness.
*) Other resonating words for designating this quality are stability, capability of self-concentrating, being stuck in a state, indestructibility. I will use an analogy here: let us assume there is a powerful magnet under some surface. We take another magnet (our EP), bring it to the surface and an effect of “sticking” takes place. It can be weak, you let it go and the magnet falls, or it can be strong and stick and you cannot tear away from it.
“Encompassing” or “piercing capability”:
*) When EPs acquire an intensive “encompassing” quality, it is as if it envelopes you entirely and very deeply. As if earlier this EP was revealed only in the center, on the surface, all the rest remained inert and sleeping, but suddenly a soft explosion and the EP covers you, saturates you and reaches your “quietest corners”. A resonating image – a rock covered with thick moss with a mountainous stream flowing down, and all these components – the rock, every stone and every blade of grass – are completely saturated with moisture, up to a blissful exhaustion.
*) Fyord: “A sudden splash of devotion, it lasted for about an hour. It is like a huge jump up and forward, and then a slow and sweet fall into an abyss. There was a strong confidence that the intensity was over 10. When the EP intensity is under 10, I perceive it as “narrow”, “within the boundaries”, but over 10 it explodes and becomes wide and of the depth of the sky. It is now impossible to talk about its intensity in points, EPs are everywhere, filling the entire reality, and now it’s not “EPs in me”, it’s “I am in the EPs”.
“Massiveness” (an attribute of an enlightened background”:
*) A resonating image: as if a massive depth of water covers the bottom of a pond, surging slightly. An enlightened background acquires the quality of a massive and solid fluidity.
“Freshness” (more the attribute of ecstatic EPs):
*) Frosty freshness of an early morning in the mountains. There even appears a false sense of chill all over the body. It is false because at the same time it can be hot and I feel this heat, but if the heat is strong, unpleasant senses that it causes, disappear.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
06-02-03 List of chords
List and designation of EPs chords:
Every language has a huge number of words that give definitions to NEs, like anxiety, worry, concern, apprehension, commotion, shivers – all these are synonyms for just one NE. There are dozens of other ways to express the undertones of still the same emotion, like “on pins and needles”, “have butterflies in your stomach”, “on the edge of one’s seat” and so on. For the definition of different shades of the meaning of the word “asshole” there are as minimum couple of dozens of terms in any language. But can you find a synonym for EP-devotion? Or the feeling of everlasting spring? They do not exist, because humanity does not have the experience of EPs. The language has to be created. A separate task is the creation of terms to identify chords (stable combinations of EPs that resonate with each other and due to it reveal simultaneously, thus developing strongly-interrelated complexes). I will place these terms here while the practitioners and I select the proper terms.
It is worthwhile to show not only the components, but also a direction, i.e. consecutiveness of EPs development, like, for example, “triumph” easily and frequently is followed by seriousness, and the opposite order is very rare. Direction will be designated by the character →. In certain cases both directions are equally probable, like “persistence” and “determination”, then I will use the character ↔. A pair of EPs that has a direction, will be called “vector of EPs”.
|“joy of struggle”
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“feeling of beauty”→“affection”
“openness” + “erotic attraction”
“seriousness” + “affection”
“persistence” + “nothing is needed”
“detachment” + “feeling of mystery”
“fondness”→“feeling of beauty”
Resonating descriptions of theses chords:
*) whatever the practice of other snouts, whatever the circumstances, whatever the fears and expectations, successes and wins, I will carry on with my journey.
*) step by step I change my perceptions, and it doesn’t matter if these steps are big or small, what matters is that I will not stop.
*) there is an image of myself as a young monk-lama-tulku. I have reincarnated, I start training under the guidance of the high lamas and soon I will learn such a lot of wonderful and interesting lama teachings.
*) at any moment I can get up, pick up my rucksack and go.
*) the wind that turns the pages of a book.
*) an image of myself as a rug in the wind, the wind becomes stronger and the rug billows more furiously, at any moment it can blow off into the unknown and I do not know what perception will be with the last gust.
*) Lizard: resonating thought: “I have nowhere to return to”.
*) She-ma: “I was standing behind the gate and sometimes jumped up to see what is on the other side of the gate, but always returned to my place behind the gate. I have always been sure that all I will be able to do is only jump like that, nothing else is possible for me. Now I opened this gate and saw a huge field, there was a forest behind the field. Something else will be further behind the forest, and I can and see it all and touch and do whatever I like”. It resonates with anticipation.
Trilogies of EPs:
*) « ? » : «clarity»→«seriousness»↔«triumph»
Quads of EPs:
*) « ? » : «clarity»→«seriousness»↔«triumph»↔«delight»